The unthinkable

Forgive me, I can't go into detail, because my heart is so broken. My sister (ONLY sister) called to annouce that she's pregnant, again.
God, I don't think I have another tear in my body to cry. I just can't believe it...

Triggered

Last night I triggered. And it hurt like a son-of-a-biscuit!

Ok, so I mix the solution with the powder (Novrell 10,000iu) then I prepped the meds and injection site. Then I realized what the pharmacist did... CRAP! Apparently my pharmacist got my needle size wrong, instead of giving me a 25 1/2 gauge he gave me a 27 gauge. I know it doesn't sound like a big difference but believe me, it is. For those unfamiliar with needles, the smaller the number the thicker the needle is, the larger the number the thinner the needle is. That thinner needle wasn't gonna let my meds flow easily through it, I persuaded my husband to give me the shot since he did all my other intramuscular injections for me. So he did. Once he stuck me, he was having to fight the meds through the syrenge. It burned so bad. He finally got it all in, and by 9:00 last night I had a nice big purple bruise on my rear end. I iced it down to take the swelling down some so its a little better today, but its sore. Oh the price we pay...

But needless to say, I've triggered and we're ovulating.
Gah, I hope this works...

P.O.A 9/6/06

I got a call back regarding my bloodwork they took this morning.
Yesterday my estrogen level was 238, today its 462. So now for my Plan of Action.

P.O.A
9/6 (today) 75iu Gonal-F injection, start taking 81mg Asprin to increase endometrial thickness, and start Estrace 2mg.
9/7 Trigger! 10,000iu Novrell (hCG) injection intramuscularly. (no sex)
9/8 Day 1 Sweet Lovin
9/9 Day 2 More Sweet Lovin
9/10 Day 3 And one more day of Sweet Lovin (if we can muster up the energy.)
9/12 Begin progesterone suppository 400mg
9/15 Mini dose of hCG 2.5k units injection
9/19 Mini dose of hCG 2.5K units injection
9/26 PG TEST! ! ! !

5 day weekend

Friday was our 5 year wedding anniversary. It sure is amazing how time flies. I can remember the day my daddy walked me down the aisle like it was yesterday. At the time I didn't think I could love my husband anymore than I did that day, but now, five years later my love for him is far beyond words can describe.

Friday I took the day off and enjoyed my day at the spa. The massage was wonderful, it ended up being a 2 hours long. I left there feeling 2 feet taller, so relaxed (almost intoxicated.) I am definatly going back to him, he was so good with his hands. From the top of my head to the bottom of my toes, I felt amazing. Then I went to my hair appt to see Arthur, ya know-the gay dude. Well anyways, 2:00 rolled around and I went to his suite. He wasn't there. So I told one of the girls that I was gonna wait for him in the waiting area. So I waited, and waited... An hour passed, still no Arthur. That doodee-head stood me up! So I ended up having my hair done by his partner Donna. It came out cute, I really like it.

Saturday we left for the weekend. I went to San Juan catholic church, then we went to Progresso, Mexico to go shopping. Later that night we went to a family BBQ in Mercedes, TX and visited my relatives. We had so much fun.

Sunday we drove back to Port O'Connor to go fishing. My sister met us up there and while the guys went boating and fishing, we took my nephew to the beach. It was Jacob's first beach experience, it was so funny to watch him. He was running in circles screaming, "Outside! Outside! Outside!" He had a blast. I took tons of pictures for my sister.

Monday the guys went fishing again, and we went back to the beach. Monday afternoon we came home and slept the rest of the day.

Tuesday I caught up on my chores, and today I'm back to work.

On to TTC news.
We're moving FAST. I started my injections Friday, today I had an ultrasound to check my follicle progress and on my
Left ovary: 15.7 , 15 and 3 little ones
Right ovary: 14, 12, 11 and 2 little ones
The nurse said that I she's gonna wait for my blood work to discuss it with my RE, and she'll call me back to let me know what my dose will be. Yesterday I had blood work done and she said my estrogen was good, so she dropped my dose from 150iu to 75iu. She said I have one to two days of growth left for my follicles then we'll trigger. I can't believe it! It just seems so fast. The only one not-so-good thing is that my lining was 6.3 and she'd like to see it at an 8 or more. So hopefully that'll fix itself. But other than that, we're on a roll here.

Spa Day

So tomorrow for my anniversary I'm having a spa day WOOOO HOOOOO, compliments from my loving husband of 5 years. Tee hee hee, I'm so giddy! At 12:30 I've got an appointment with "Phil" the ::in my nasal-ly voice:: "Plaza Salon's top massage therepist" for a one and a half hour full body massage.
Wait, it gets better. Then, at 2:00 I'll be having my hair done by ::again in my most nasal-ly voice:: "Plaza Salon's award winning hair professional, Arthur" He sounded so flamboiant! I'm no homophob, don't get me wrong, I do have a couple of gay friends and they happen to be the best shopping partners, and they can do my make-up way better than I can. But this guy, wooo, he sounded flamin!!!! So he must be a really great hair stylist.
Oh excuse me, hair pro-fession-al. To be exact.

I am so excited. I can't wait.
Tonight I'm going shopping, I gotta get my hubby a gift. Last weekend while we were in Radio Shack getting batteries for our home phones, he asked me and the girl behind the counter. "What is the 5 year anniversary gift?
Ya know how the 1 yr is paper, two or three year is a clock...
Isn't 5 year the IPOD year?"

That lady and I laughed. I was like "Nooo its not the IPOD year, sorry honey. I think the 5 year gift is the diamond earrings year!" He's so silly! But he's been an excellent husband and best friend to me. And we've been through a lot these past couple of years (infertility and losses) and he has taken it with stride, and he has been my rock. So... I'm gonna get him his IPOD. He wants the 30 Gig one, because it holds a couple thousand songs... So I'm gonna get it for him.

happy day

I am in such a great mood today, I feel so positive right now. We haven't even started our injections yet, and I'm already so anxious, and hopeful. I'm not getting my hopes up yet, but if this cycle we are successful we'd have a June baby. YAY!

I called triage, and she called me back. I am to start my Gonal-f 150iu subcutanious injections on Friday, Sept. 1st. Which is Richard and my 5 year Wedding Anniversary. Great Gift! And if this cycle is successful that would be an even BETTER gift. Ah, my head is spinning just thinking out that. GAH, I'm spu-ing happiness everywhere, if you don't wanna get clabbered by it, then get out of my way! Because right now I just have this "cloud 9" feeling. To think, AF could bring on such happiness and bliss. Man, right now I love her. I don't say that often, but today I will. Its crazy how celebrated and happy I am. I'm not gonna question it, I'm just gonna enjoy it.

Back to business. Ok. Here's the Plan Of Action. Its pretty much the same as the other, only this time I have dates.

P.O.A.
1. 8/30 Wed. start AF, CD1
2. 9/1 Fri. start Gonal-f inj. at 150iu (My anniversary)
3. 9/1-4 going on a little weekend vacation
4. 9/5 Tues. blood work appt with RE at 6:45am.
5. Once we get results, we'll go from there.

AF is finally here!

(wiggling in my chair doing a "happy dance") She's finally here. I knew it was her.
Gah, it took er long enough! Yesterday was CD41, but that's ok because today is CD1!
Which reminds me, I gotta call the triage line to report my cycle.

Happy Hump Day!

AF? Is that you?? (TMI)

I see a tiny, TIIIIIIIINY bit of pink spotting when I wipe... I'm thinking its AF, but don't know. I HOPE it is, that way we can start out next cycle of injections this weekend. So AF if that's you, COME ON, HURRY IT UP!

Had a good weekend

My weekend was great. Friday night Richard and I watched my nephew Jacob. It was so much fun, we played all night. He finally fell asleep in my arms around 11:30pm while watching the Lion King. When my sister and BIL came to pick him up he was fed, bathed, and asleep. She was so happy. So they ended up crashing at our house for the night. Saturday morning I made a big breakfast, and Jacob at lots of fruit. (Good thing his mommy had to change that diaper.) Saturday afternoon Richard took me to the mall, and to lunch at Panera Bread. It was so good. Then we went to Best Buy to talk to them about my washer that's still not fixed (and its been a month), then we went to Borders book store. I got this new book that's GREAT!!!! It was only $17.95 and I haven't put it down since I got it. Its called "Riding the Infertility Rollarcoaster". I'm not a big book worm or anything but this book has me hooked. Its all about the emotional ups & downs of infertility. I really appriciate that the author of the book Isn't a Dr., but she's actually a "infertility survivor". The book is written in her point of view, and there are several couples stories in the book. All with different endings. One used an egg donor, one couple adopted, another quit TTC and has learned to live and love "childfree", and there are a couple of other different endings to the couples journeys. ( I don't wanna give it all away in case ya wanna read it too.) It really is a good book. Right now I'm reading about stress and how it can and did effect the author's second IUI. I'm thinking about taking a couple of days off work after I trigger... It won't hurt to try to lesson the amount of stress I have. Who knows, maybe then it'll work.

Anyhow, on a sour note. My boss is back. POOP! She was suppose to be back Sept 1st, but she shorted her vacation and is back today. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

Oh and still no signs of AF. I must start before Wednesday or else I'll have to go back to the RE for an ultrasound to see what the hold up is all about. So I'm hoping "she'll" visit today so I can be done by my Anniversary on Friday. We'll see.

Cows DO fly!

So this morning I went to my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) appointment. I've been praying for two weeks that this ultrasound would show that the monster cyst in my left ovary was gone. The u/s tech started doing the scan and it seemed like she couldn't get to it fast enough. I wanted results NOW! So she inserted, the "wand" and she showed me my uterus, and how the lining was thin because of the bcp. Then she showed me my right ovary, it was clear, I knew that. Then finally. To the left ovary. I took a deep breath, and looked. She was kinda quiet, so I got scared. There IT was, I saw THE cyst. My heart sank a little. She told me if its under 10mm then we wouldn't require surgery. A 10 or more, will have to cancel the next cycle and I'd have to undergo a lap. She started measuring. Come on, come onnnnn....... The suspense was killing me. I sucked my stomach in, as if that was gonna make the cyst look smaller (silly me). "Its an 8mm." YES, thank you Jesus. I let out a huge sigh of relief. I couldn't help but smile through the rest of the scan. At that point I could care less that the dang wand was still in my "cha-cha", it SO didn't matter. I was saved from surgery, whew! And I can stop bcp, wait for AF, and start another cycle of injections. YAYYYYYYYY!!!!! She gave me the prescription, I went next door and the pharmacy didn't open for another 30 minutes. Poop.

Oh well, I started back to work, stopped to get me a breakfast taco, and I saw a hot air balloon. It was so pretty, it was yellow with a blue stripe. Then I saw another hot air balloon, and another, then three more... I was driving closer to them and ended up having to stop because I happened to be driving by the field they were lifting off from. It was beautiful! I saw a wagon shaped balloon for Wells Fargo Bank, and a bottle of syrup balloon for Aunt Jamaima (sp?) syrup. Then I saw this balloon with white with black spots... I wonder what it is... As they were airing it up it looked like a dalmation... Then the utters aired up. LOL Nope not a dog. Its a cow, its a Schepps milk cow! And "she" was huge! I watched "her" get aired up and finally lift off. I thought to myself, "I'll be darned. I have a great dr. appt., get breakfast, and get to see all these beautiful balloons take off. What a morning. " It was so neat. I snapped a few pictures on my phone of the cow being aired up, and of the cow "flying". I really enjoyed it, it was such a great way to start my day. I finally looked down at the time and I had been there for 30 minutes admiring the hot air balloons. That means the pharmacy is open. So I went back, got my meds, and came to work. I got to work at 9:30 but who cares, nothing can bring me down from the "high" I had this morning.

Plan of action:
1. Stop taking bcp and wait 2-5 days for AF to arrive.
2. Once AF arrives, call & leave message with triage line.
3. CD3 start injections.
(This cycle I'll be on 150iu of Gonal-F, injected subcutaniously ((under skin)). My last cycle was done intramuscular ((in muscle)) and my body reacted ok. But since I got preg year doing 150iu subcute, she's gonna have me do that again.)
4. Do injections in my belly fat by my belly button CD3-7 and go in for an u/s to check the progress of follies.
Then we'll go from there.

Thursday 13

1. I got new glasses this week.
2. I was gonna get contacts, but I've been in them for years and wanted something different.
3. My frames are really cute, they have a little "bling" on them.
4. Not a lot to really notice it, but just enough to proclaim my Princess status.
5. Yesterday my Grandma was in the hospital for chest pains.
6. Thank God she's gonna be ok.
7. They ran a bunch of tests, and passed a scope through her ateries and didn't find enough blockage to have to do an angioplasty.
8. So she's gonna be on meds to dissolve what little blockage she does have.
9. Today the Dr.'s are letting her go home, YAY!
10. I'm gonna go see her after work.
11. Tonight I gotta clean my house.
12. Tomorrow Richard and I are gonna babysit my nephew Jacob (18 mths).
13. Richard offered to watch him, so its gonna be fun to see how well he does.

my relaxing weekend

This weekend was a relaxing one. Friday night Richard played poker with the guys at my sister's house, and I went shopping. So we both got home pretty late. Saturday morning my sister had a "Spa Escape" party at her house and she served brunch. The food was good and the party was so relaxing. Imagine this.... The lights were off, soft music and candles going, we had our warm neck wraps on, cold hydrating eye lid patches, and our feet and hands were being exfoliate in seasalts, and warm lotions. ::Sigh:: Reeeeeeelaxing. It felt amazing. And it was SO needed. I had such a great time, I booked a party at my house. Its gonna be in November, and hopefully I'll be pregnant and needing to relax by then. I couldn't help myself when it came to ordering. I wanted EVERYTHING. I bought the complete cleansing set, and the cold eye lid patch thingys. Saturday night we made it date night, since I was all made up and feeling great. Richard took me to Chili's for dinner, and we went to the movies. Unfortunately we went to the movies at 8 and that's the hour no movies are starting. We didn't want to wait till 9 so we went across the street to the dollar theatre to see if they had any good movies and starting around 8, and they did. So we saw, NACHOOOOOOOO LIBRE!
LOL, it was SOOOOOO funny. I loved it. I laughed so hard, I just love Jack Black. He's hilarious in this movie, if you haven't seen it, ya gotta see it. Just be ready to laugh your butt off. I tell ya, when that movie goes to DVD I'm so getting it!

Changing subject... I think throwing my cycle off by two weeks with birth control is now catching up to me. I'm PMSing so bad. Normally I don't have bad symptoms, but lately I've been having migranes, I'm so bloated, and my back is killing me. Not to mention the huge mountain-like pimple I got on my chin! If all was normal I was suppose to already be done with my period. I just know when I do get my visit from AF, its gonna be awful. Yesterday I had this killer migrane, so Richard, being the sweetest husband he could ever be, told me to lay down and he brought me: two Tylenol extra strength, my cold eye patches from the refrigerator, an ice pack for my head, and a warm blanket. That felt oh so good. I fell asleep for 2 hrs and when I woke up I felt so much better. While I was asleep, he washed dishes, put away the left overs from dinner, took out the trash, and swept and mopped the kitchen. God I love this man. He was so worried that the clanking of the dishes woke me up. I swear, I don't know what I'd do without him.

Today's plans... I'm leaving work at 4:00 to pick up my glasses, and Richard is meeting me there to get his too. Then I'm going to my Wee Care (support group) meeting. I haven't been in a while, so I'm looking forward to it.

weekend plans

This weekend my sister is having a spa party. She has a lady coming over to demonstrate the products and I'm sure it'll be fun. It kinda like a Mary Kay party, but its more spa products and make up, and its a WHOLE lot cheaper than Mary Kay products.

Saturday & Sunday we really don't have anything planned. Richard is practicing with his band on Sunday so I'll probably do some shopping. Jenna & Angie was suppose to come over for the weekend to visit, but the plans changed (that's ok Jenna, I still love you) and we're just gonna have to reschedule our visit for some other time.

Not to much to post about... This coming Monday is my Wee Care support group meeting ( http://www.weecarehoustondotorg/ ) I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been to the last 2 meetings (one got cancelled, the other I just missed) so I really am needing that release.

Hope all is well in Bloggieland!

doing a little better

Friday was a really emotional day for me. Getting not-so-good news from my RE, had me in tears all day. After work I went to the cemetary to visit my baby boy. Richard called me after he got off work and he met me there so we could talk about my appointment. Being out there is so peaceful and quiet, its the only place that I feel really, really close to Erik. Just being near my angel's resting place has this soothing calming effect on us. So we talked, I cried, he held me and we prayed. Erik must have felt my need to comfort, because by the time we left I felt peace in my heart. My angel always comes through for me when I need him the most.

Saturday I didn't do anything. I wrapped myself in a blanket, and permanantly implanted my rear to the couch. Richard was such a sweetheart to let me do what I wanted, which was nothing. He worked a couple of hrs in the morning, then he went to the CD store which is about an hour away. When he came home I hadn't moved an inch, and he didn't have a problem with it. I love him.

Sunday was better. We went to Sugarland to a going away party for my cousin. She was offered a 4 yr scholarship for tennis, and she accepted. So today my aunt and her twin sisters are moving her to Tennessee. She seems so young, but she's only 17, and ready to see the world. I don't know if I could've done that, I'm such a home-girl.
Anyhow...

Today at work we're having our first cake bake-off. I got home so late from the going away party last night, I was so tired I went to bed. So this morning, everyone brought a cake... Oops Looks like I might have to run out to the store and get drinks or somthing. Oh well.

feeling discouraged

I wonder how much more of this I can endure... Its so draining. No one can TTC forever...
How long is to long? When should we stop? Should we stop?
We've been TTC for 33 months, we've miscarried twice had a D&C with baby # 1, and miscarried naturally with baby #2, and we lost our son at 22 wks due to a uterine infection caused by premature dialation. When is enough, enough?

A part of me wants to quit and accept that we will never have a child of our own, and that I should learn to live and love the childless life. (My husband isn't willing to adopt, yet.)
And another part of me thinks that's a crazy idea, that we will have a baby and that I should never give up that dream... But what if its just that?? A dream.

I so hate this...

There's a monster in my ovary

Last night I took my last "active" birth control pill in the pack. So this morning I went to my RE's office to have an ultrasound to make sure the hormones/bcp have cleared the residual follicles (or what she called non-funtioning follicles/cysts) from my ovaries. First the right ovary... Clear! Sweet music to my ears! One down, one to go.
She moved the "wand" on over to the left ovary....
And there that monster was. It was a little bit smaller this time, but it was still there. From the first glimpse of it, my heart sank. I knew it! Damn ovary! Its shrunk down from a 29mm monster to a 19mm monster. Man! So that means I'm back on the birth control for two more weeks. She said that "should" do the trick. But I'm not gonna believe it till I see it. If for some reason that doesn't do the trick, the next step is surgery to remove that persistant follicle, God I'm praying that's not the next step. But she said surgery is of course the last resort. If we can shrink it down with hormonal treatments to less than a 10mm than we can start Gonal-f again and TTC. If not, then I've gotta have a lap.

In case ya didn't know... Or ya need to be reminded...
Infertilty sucks!!!

its been a week since I've posted

So I haven't updated in a while... Let me catchya up. Not much has changed...

Last Thursday the TV repairman called, we scheduled a time and finally got our TV is fixed. YAY! Richard is so happy, and so am I.

I haven't talked to the repairman for my washer in a while, so I called to check on things. I'm glad I did. The warranty company had been faxed the approval info twice, and failed to complete it. So the repairman wasn't able to order the parts needed. I called the warranty company to "set fire to their behinds" and finally got someone to call my repair company. So I thought. Later I called my repairman company back, just to make sure the warranty company had called them, and they didn't! That was 4 hours later. So there I go calling the warranty company back again. This time I'm fuming. I stay on hold for, God knows how long, the dang hold music is pis$ing me off the longer I hear it, I wanna jump through the phone and strangle the sea gulls and flute player, and the guy that finally gets my call isn't helpful. Now, I've worked on the other side of customer service before, so I know how people can be. I try my darnest NOT to be that kind of person, but at this point I'm frusterated beyond belief. I'm trying to hold my nerves because I know its not ALL the guy's fault that's on the other end of the phone. Then he had the nerve to make a sarcastic comment and that just sent me through the roof. I demanded his supervisor, I again hold. GUHHH Those sea gulls... I finally get his supervisor, she defends him for a while and finally gives in. They're not gonna fix it, I'm getting a new washer. I don't know when, but I am.

On to TTC news. I have one more birth control pill to take tonight, YAY! I'm actually getting kinda anxious for my appointment Friday. My RE said I'll have my ultrasound Friday morning to check to make sure my ovaries are clear. THEY BETTER BE, or I'm gonna be really mad a at a certain two little ovaries!!! Once that checks out clear, I should be having my visit from "AF" within the next 5 days. Once, "she" starts I should get to start my new protocol for this cycle. We're gonna be on 150IU of Gonal-F this cycle, with some additional testing. We're gonna have a postcoital test to see if IUI is necessary. Hopefully it won't be. I really wanna do this as "au natural" as possible, aside from the drugs. But, if that's not an option then we'll go from there.

waste of my time

Yesterday I left work at 2:30pm because the repairman for my washing machine called and was on his way to my house. He worked on it for about an hour and he told me he wasn't gonna be able to get it going. He'd have to order a couple of parts, and it'll take 10 days to 2 wks. Crap. So that means we're Washeteria bound.

So I waited for the TV repairman. Can you believe, that basterd never showed up AND he didn't have the decency to call to let me know he wasn't coming. I was so mad. Today I'm gonna call and chew some heads off. That's not right of them. If ya can't make it, fine. At least call so I'm not waiting like a dumbas$ all frickin day for nothing. I'm gonna call the repairman AND I'm gonna call and report that to Best Buy. That is POOR customer service.

my weekend

All day Friday I waited to get a call from the washing machine repairman. Finally at 4:59 he called and said, "uh, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it before 5:00..." DUH! Its a minute before 5 and you're just now calling me, ugh! He rescheduled and is suppose to be coming Tuesday, but we'll see. Hopefully both repairmen can be there at the same time so I only have to take a 1/2 day off.

So we went the weekend without TV and a washing machine. So tonight I HAVE to go to the laundry mat. Richard told me this morning he's just about out of socks, and he went to work wearing two different length socks, but at least they were both white & clean. :)

This weekend we went to my SIL's housewarming party. It was so much fun. She had Texas Hold'em for the guys, and Bunco for the ladies. I had never played Bunco before, but once I caught on it was so much fun! I ended up winning 2 of the 5 prizes. :) I got a serving platter, and I got a flower pot with nail polishes & manicure set. YAY! I'm now addicted, I love Bunco. I'm gonna have to set it up to get some gals together to play again. Its was so easy, but so fun.

Mr. Fixit

Today the repairman is coming to fix my husband's "beloved" TV. Poor Richard, he's going crazy with out it. Last night he got desperate and he moved his small 13 inch TV (he had since grade school) to the living room so he could hook the cable to it. He said he needed his "fix" before he could go to bed. He's so funny. I really hope they guy is able to fix it today. My husband is gonna be crushed if its not.

Last night we resolved the stinkin' toilet issue. Thank Goodness. I'm not really sure what was wrong with it but Richard fixed it.

He had good intentions on looking at my car to see what was wrong with the lights, but it rained all evening. So he didn't get to. But that's ok, I can deal with it for a couple more days if I have to.

UPDATE: The TV repairman called, he doesn't have the bulb he needs in stock. He doesn't wanna come look at the TV if he doesn't have the part he thinks he needs to fix it. He ordered it, and it won't come in till Monday. So he'll be out to fix it Tuesday. My poor poor husband. Whatever shall he do without his precious 62 inch TV. :)
I'm enjoying it. Its quiet in the house and we're spending more one on one time together to pass the time. Granted I'm behind on my reality shows, and don't know what's going on in the world, but oh well. And we've been getting to bed earlier, which is a great thing.