First of all, thanks for the encouraging words on bre.astfeeding. I was a little down about slacking off. However, for several reasons I don't feel its going well, and I think I'm closer to quitting than I am to sticking with it. Let me explain.
1. I didn't research bf'ing while I was pregnant mainly because of my previous losses, I had my doubts that this pregnancy would work out. So I have Joey (thank God) then he goes to the NICU for 3 days. All the while I'm suppose to encourage my milk production by pumping and when I go home, I have not the slightest clue (ok maybe a tiny clue) but not very much knowledge about bf'ing. But by the time I have a chance to reattach my head to my exhaused body, my milk supply has already been inhibited.
2. Since I STILL have not posted a birth story (which I am sorry for) I'll go ahead and tell you what's going on with me. After the c-section my Ob tells me that I DO have PCOS. Prior to surgery I had some symptoms but now that she's seen my ovaries I now have it for sure. From what she's said (and I have researched it any but) women w/PCOS often have issues with BF'ing... something to do with the hormone imbalancement??? If anyone has any insight on this, plz feel free to share since I don't see myself with any time to research stuff anymore.
3. (Possible TMI) This by far has to be the worst part and your probably not gonna believe me... But I have pictures (if anyone morbidly curious wants to see.) The day I was discharged from the hospital my staples were removed and "skin tape" was put in its place. The tape was suppose to be there for a week then fall off. Ok. So we come home with baby in tow. I walk inside my house and go directly over to my bed (which is located IN my living room since I was on bedrest for so long we moved it there.) and my husband placed Joey in my arms. That's ALL I did. Well, after our house guests/welcoming home party finally left, Richard and I were about to have dinner when I felt my pants wet from the front lower belly area. I slowly walked over to the bathroom to access myself when I saw that I was bleeding pretty bad. We had only been home an hour and I had bled through a gauze dressing, a thick hospital pad, and all the way through my pants. I showed Richard and he got a good look my incision and told me it was open about 3 inches across. I call my Ob and she directs me to "Get to the ER!" We get there and of course we have to drive up right behind 3 ambulances and the waiting room was so freaking packed. I get through triage, and as an "urgent care active bleeder" there's nothing that they can do but have me wait in the waiting room until a room opens. FIVE HOURS LATER (we were there from 9PM-2:00AM) I got my wound washed out and re-stuffed with gauze. The next day my Ob got me in to her office, and ripped open my incision completely with her fingers(it hurt like crazy!!!) So now I and my very GREEN husband are looking at an incision about 10 inches across my belly, and about 4 inches deep that he now has to wash out with saline and pack tightly with 3 strips of 4x4 gauzes. So not only do I have to wear a pad for post-partum reasons, but I now have to wear a pad across my belly over my incision. Tomorrow it'll be 4 wks that my husband and I have been caring for an open incision wound that we have to clean and redress 2-3 times a day all the while caring for a newborn.
So because of all this mess BFing hasn't been going well. I don't have time to eat much less try to pump or fight with my son that's already so nipple confused. I have cried so many nights, I can't beat myself up over this anymore. I'm trying, I really am. My Ob has even me a Rx for Reglan to help bring on milk production, and I can't tell if its working. I'm not getting much more than 1 ounce total when I pump so Joey's eating 3-4 ounces every 3-4 hours so I'm doing a lot of suplimenting. I'm so stressed out about this... I guess that's why I feel I'm closer to quitting than I am to continuing. Am I wrong? WWYD?
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Sorry I can't be of much help with the breastfeeding since I went with formula but I really, really feel for you with what you have had to go through with your incision! I've had a few issues with my scar but nothing near what you've had to deal with...ouch. Kuddos to you for having the will to do all that you've done and you haven't even mentioned this until now!!! Super Mommy!!
Jennie -OK - I didn't know that if you have PCOS you have trouble with milk production but it makes sense to me for a few reasons:
1. When you have PCOS (I guess due to the ovulation issues) you have a higher level of male hormones. This leads to things like increased facial hair (Thank goodness for wax!).
2. When I had Joey I didn't make ANY milk - not once - I never had to wear a bra protector - nothing. When I had the twins, I made very little.
I know that breastfeeding is healthier - and congratulations for trying to stick with it - but don't beat yourself up if you can't. I was a formula baby and I turned out ok.
My 3 children were formula babies and they are doing wonderful.
Good luck to you whatever you decide.
Hey Jennie. I can totally understand the stress you are going through. Both my kids were beautiful nursers. Latched on right away...not TOO much nipple pain.. etc.
With Jonathan I was nursing him for the first three weeks. I would sit in my rocker and when my milk would let down I would get this sense of dread, sadness and not good feelings. I tried to stick with it but it wasnt the best for me. I decided to stop nursing and it was the biggest relief I have ever known.
With Jacob, I exclusively nursed. At three weeks post partum I woke up with a fever of 105. Turns out I had a RAGING UTI (dirty roomate.. ugh..)and had to take antibiotics that were safe for breastfeeding mothers. In that one day my milk supply plummeted. I couldnt even sit without hurting from the fever so nursing was out of the question. I tried everything to bring it back. Reglan (which worked somewhat.. not much), oatmeal, beer. You name it I tried it. When I finally threw the towel in at 9 weeks, again it was the best feeling in the world because I didnt have that stress anymore and I could enjoy my babies.
So, what I am saying is you have to do what is best for YOUR situation. You have given it a great effort and if you decide to stop, you know you did what you needed to do. Dont ever let anyone make you feel guilty for stopping.
It is such a personal and intimate decision that anyone on the outside should never judge anyone for their choices.
I hope you feel better. Sorry about the incision problems. I hope it gets better soon!
It sounds like you've hit the wall on the bf issue. Sometimes it just doesn't work out...and you sure have lots of other things going on!! BF is great sure, but not everyone can make it work. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you decide to stop.
Jennie darling,
It's time to stop. A human being can only handle so much at once. With that much stress, not having time to feed yourself, and having to pump that much, there is really no way that you will be able to produce a normal milk supply. There come's a time when the stress and problems it causes mom totally outweigh the benefits to baby. Joey will be much happier with a mom who is rested and healthy than a mom who sacrifices herself to breastfeed. It is NOT a selfish decision.
I am so sorry to hear about your incision and having to go through that. Is is healing okay now? As gruesome as it is, I would like to see the pictures! safallow@hotmail.com if you feel like sharing!
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