my weekend

All day Friday I waited to get a call from the washing machine repairman. Finally at 4:59 he called and said, "uh, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it before 5:00..." DUH! Its a minute before 5 and you're just now calling me, ugh! He rescheduled and is suppose to be coming Tuesday, but we'll see. Hopefully both repairmen can be there at the same time so I only have to take a 1/2 day off.

So we went the weekend without TV and a washing machine. So tonight I HAVE to go to the laundry mat. Richard told me this morning he's just about out of socks, and he went to work wearing two different length socks, but at least they were both white & clean. :)

This weekend we went to my SIL's housewarming party. It was so much fun. She had Texas Hold'em for the guys, and Bunco for the ladies. I had never played Bunco before, but once I caught on it was so much fun! I ended up winning 2 of the 5 prizes. :) I got a serving platter, and I got a flower pot with nail polishes & manicure set. YAY! I'm now addicted, I love Bunco. I'm gonna have to set it up to get some gals together to play again. Its was so easy, but so fun.

Mr. Fixit

Today the repairman is coming to fix my husband's "beloved" TV. Poor Richard, he's going crazy with out it. Last night he got desperate and he moved his small 13 inch TV (he had since grade school) to the living room so he could hook the cable to it. He said he needed his "fix" before he could go to bed. He's so funny. I really hope they guy is able to fix it today. My husband is gonna be crushed if its not.

Last night we resolved the stinkin' toilet issue. Thank Goodness. I'm not really sure what was wrong with it but Richard fixed it.

He had good intentions on looking at my car to see what was wrong with the lights, but it rained all evening. So he didn't get to. But that's ok, I can deal with it for a couple more days if I have to.

UPDATE: The TV repairman called, he doesn't have the bulb he needs in stock. He doesn't wanna come look at the TV if he doesn't have the part he thinks he needs to fix it. He ordered it, and it won't come in till Monday. So he'll be out to fix it Tuesday. My poor poor husband. Whatever shall he do without his precious 62 inch TV. :)
I'm enjoying it. Its quiet in the house and we're spending more one on one time together to pass the time. Granted I'm behind on my reality shows, and don't know what's going on in the world, but oh well. And we've been getting to bed earlier, which is a great thing.

Gimmie a break!

My house is falling apart from the inside out. We've only been in our house for 2 1/2 yrs, and everything inside it seems to be breaking. First, my washing machine. It'll fill up with water, but it won't wash. The center agitater thingy-ma-bob won't agitate to clean the clothes. And its "AGITATING"! I've tried all 5 cycles, none will wash. But it will spin, so at least the water is drained. We bought both washer & dryer a month after we moved in our house. Thank God, we bought the 4 yr warranty with both washer & dryer. But trying to get someone out to fix it has been a nightmare. Finally I have someone to coming out on Friday.

Next, the toilet in my master bedroom. Its spilling raw sewage onto the floor behind the toilet. Its DISGUSTING! I didn't know what to do. I can throw towels down, because I can't wash them after... So I went out and bought kitty litter, even though we don't have a cat, and I threw it down behind the toilet to soak up all that nasty stuff, and it did. It also helped with the oder. I swept it up and had Richard look under it. He can't find anything wrong with it, so we have someone coming out to look at it on Saturday.

Next up to break, and according to my husband the WORST of them all, our new TV. We have a 62" DLP HD wide screen. I got it for him for Christmas, so we've only had it 7 months. We were watching it Monday and all of a sudden we heard a pop. At that moment the picture went out, but we still had sound. We have it on a surge protector, and it wasn't raining or storming, it just went out. Richard almost wanted to cry. That TV is his baby. He loves that thing. So thank God I bought the 4 yr warranty on it, we have someone coming out tomorrow to fix it.

And finally to break, my head lights on my car won't come on. Last night Richard was gonna go to the store to get a few things, and he came back because he couldn't see. The flood lights are on, but the head lights, high beam & low beams won't come on. Hopefully its just a fuse thats blown. He's gonna look at it today after work, and if its not that... Its still covered under our extended warranty.

Oh and not to mention, my body isn't working. I'm so forgetful when it comes to taking "the pill". To bad it didn't come with a warranty!

Fun weekend

I had a fun & relaxing weekend. Friday my sister & nephew came over while the guys played a Texas Hold'em Tournament at her house. After we put my nephew asleep, my sister and I ate lots of junk food, and had a couple of Smirnoffs (Twisted black cherry), and we stamped. It was fun. Alcohol and Stampin'up are a GREAT mix! When the guys were done playin they came to our house, ate all our junk food and fell asleep, and that was around 2:45am. So we had a little sleep over. Saturday morning I made a big breakfast and after they left we napped and lazed around the house all day. So yesterday, Richard got up early, and went jogging. I didn't know this but he stopped off at walmart and got his fishing license and some tackle. When he got home he said, "Get your swimsuit on we're going to the beach." YAY! I love to go the beach. So I packed up a picnic basket and we headed out. We went to Seawolf park and Richard fished from noon-3:00 and I layed out and listened to the waves crash against the jetty, and the sea gulls, it was so peaceful. Richard caught 6 fish, 4 medium sized Spanish Macroles, and 2 small Reds. Nothing big enough to keep, but still enough to make it fun. Then we went to Stewart Beach in Galveston. It was so beautiful. The sand was so warm and soft, and the beach was so clean. The water was perfect, it was so refreshing. I was having so much fun I forgot to put on some sunscreen, so needless to say I got a little sunburned. But that's ok. Just being out there with my husband, enjoying him and our time together was just what I needed to get my mind off our TTC issues. When we got home he was being such a sweetheart, he rubbed aloe after-sun lotion on me so my sunburn wouldn't hurt but he did it under my blankets because I was cold. LOL, I know, he has me so spoiled.

Road block

So I hit a "road block" in the road of TTC again.
I just got back from my appointment, for a baseline ultrasound and it didn't go so well. I KNEW something was going on with me because I could feel small pinches of pain in my left ovary-area well after I ovulated. And when the pregnancy test came out negative I didn't understand why I was still feeling pain... Well, I was right. Something was definatly still going on in there. In my right ovary I had a 13mm follicle, and in my right ovary I had a (are you sitting down? Of course you are, you're on the computer! ANYWAYS) I had a whopping 29mm follicle. When she told me that, I freaked out! I didn't know they could get that big. Well apparently one has, so its a "non-funtional follicle" which is basically a cyst. So that means, I can't TTC this cycle, and I have to take birth control pills to shrink the follicles down. I HATE BCP! After 3 wks of BCP the follicles should be gone and I have my next appt for an ultrasound to make sure they are gone on August 11th 7:15am. Oh, and the post coital test is gonna have to be postponed too. So I'm out of the race this month... Damn.

I'm having a drink tonight...

CD1

AF is finally here, YAY! (and not in a sarcastic way either) That means I can start another cycle of shots soon. I called my RE already and I'm waiting for a call back to set up an appt for my baseline ultrasound.

RE called, I have a baseline ultrasound tomorrow at 9:00am.

CD33

So we got a BFN this cycle, ok. So where's AF? "She" was due to arrive on the 17th, and today its the 19th and I haven't had any signs of "her" yet. I know I've got to be the most impatient person I know, but I'm anxious to get started with another cycle here.

On the plus side, yesterday was my first night off progesterone (vag. suppositories) and I have to say, it was pretty nice. Because those little slimey things can sure put a damper on the fun.

Test Results

First I'd like to thank everyone for the many prayers, and welll wishes for this cycle. It meant a lot to me. Thank You.

As some may already know. My blood test came out negative.
I'm ok, just really bummed. I'm really sorry I didn't post yesterday, I just didn't have the drive to do anything except mope around the house. I called into work yesterday so if the news was good I could celebrate with my husband, but if it was negative I could at least be at home and not stressed with working. I'm really glad I took yesterday off. I may make it a habit to take off the day of "the test" so I can be relaxing either way. My appt was at 6:45am, I called into work around 7:45, and I got the results at 9:45. So I met up with my husband for lunch and he could see it in my eyes that I was dissapointed. He just hugged me. Its amazing how a husband's arms could feel so safe and comforting, I thank God for that. He was very supportive. I asked him if he was ok, and he was more worried about me than the results. I asked him if he was ready for another cycle, or if he wanted to take a month off break. He said, which I agree with, that this year is more than half way over. If we want our baby bad enough we have to keep trying. But at any point if our marriage begins to suffer, we'll take a break. Because that's the most important thing.
So my RE's office called back a little later in the day and asked if we were up for another cycle this month and I said yes. So she's gonna up my dose to 150iu of Gonal-F, and this time, right before ovulation we're gonna do a postcoital test. If so some reason our body's fluids aren't compatible (which probably isn't the case because we've been pregnant 3 times, conceiving by sex) then we can do a cycle of IUI. But if our postcoital test comes out ok, we'll ovulate and have sex accordingly.
So all in all, I'm ok. Like I said earlier, I'm just bummed out that this cycle didn't work. Next time I won't test as much, I'll probably still test the day or two before the scheduled because I do feel that seeing a negative helped me prepare myself for a negative blood test.

Hopeless

I tested yesterday morning and to much surprise, there was no second line. Not even a little. I did that, squint your eyes, tilt it to the right... Still no second line. I opened the curtains to see it in the sun light. Didn't help. I took it to the kitchen to see it in bright lights, still no line. WTF? I didn't expect that. I had to have jinxed it. I get all 4 other tests from this week, line them up and I got 4 faint second lines, and then NO line on the last one. Thats was such a bummer.

I took a shower, wrapped myself in a blanket (because I didn't wanna get dressed) and I sat on the couch and moped around. I got up and cooked dinner, and that's about it. The rest of the day I spend on the couch watching baby shows. Hating every bad mother on it! Let me explain. This lady skydives, parachute fails, reserve chute tangles and she ends up smashing face first into a pavement parking lot. She gets to the hospital and come to find out, she's pregnant. She ends up having this wonderful, flawless pregnancy and delivers a healthy baby. GOOD FOR HER! But if ya wanna jump out a plane, fine. Find out if your pregnant or not BEFORE ya jump out a plane. That way you're only putting yourself in danger, not yourself and a unborn baby. IDIOT!!!! When I was pregnant I pretty much walked on egg shells. My husband didn't let me lift anything heavier than a 1/2 gallon of milk, and this lady can dive face first in to a parking lot and still have a baby? WHY is that? Oh, and then I watched that show about that damn lady that has 16 kids. SIXTEEN KIDS! I'm talking about wanting one, and she can bust out 16? She can give birth to a fricking football team, and I can't have just one baby. I hate her. I really do. Yea, it was partially my fault for watching TLC daytime, but still. I hate that these shows all gotta end so perfect and sappy. Where are the REAL women? The women that attempt pregnancy for years and painfully never succeed. The women that have to face everyday childless and hurting inside because of it. The women that have reality smack them in the face with infertility. The women that have prayed every night for the miracle of a child. The women that have cried every holiday including her birthdays because its another year spent without a child of her own, or without the child she should've had in her arms. The women that finally get pregnant only to miscarry in the 1st, 2nd or 3rd trimester. The women that for one reason or another, or no reason at all have had to give birth prematurely to a baby they know won't live outside her womb. The women that have had to hold their baby as he slowly dies in her arms. WHERE ARE THEY??? Huh? Where? SOME ONE ??? ANYONE?? Where are they?
I'll tell you where. No where. No one wants to see that on TV. No ones likes the sad endings. But you know what? That's sometimes the way it is, not everything is peachey in life. So show me those women on TV. Because THAT'S what real women are, that's what real women go through every day. ::wiping the tears away:: Why is TTC so difficult? Its not fun, its not a happy time, its not easy, its just not fair.

::Sigh:: Sorry... I didn't mean to jump off into the deep end there... But now that I have, I do feel a tiny bit better.

I guess I better go now. I gotta get to bed and take my progesterone. If you were wondering? Yes I am gonna test tomorrow. I don't know what for... Maybe to help prepare myself for a negative for Monday, if that's what it shall be. I just don't have any more hope for this cycle.
Good night.

HPT=Hoping for Positive Test

So I tested again this morning and got.... Another faint second line. I can't even call it a "faint BFP", because it doesn't look like a BFP (and because I don't wanna jinx it.) It just looks like a faint second line. Today's faint line is exactly the same tint as the other faint second lines. I put all 3 tests together and all three look the same.

This is so frusterating. I was hoping it would go differently, like maybe a little darker second line.... Oh well, I guess I should be glad that at least its a faint line, and not NO line. With a couple of faint lines I can hang on to hope. COME ON MONDAY!!!!!!

I must admit.

Its so tempting having so many hpts in the house... So I must admit, yesterday I took one. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. And there was a faint second line. I don't know what to think of it. Could it be residual HCG from my last mini dose injection? Or could there be a baby in there? GUH! I really shouldn't have tested so soon. So did I learn my lesson? NO! I didn't. What did I do? I tested again this morning. And it came out the same. Another faint line, just the same as yesterday, not any less, not any more. Its one of those lines you kinda have to squint your eyes and tilt your head to see, but its definately there. I showed Richard and of course he got after me for testing to soon... Then he agreed that there was a second line.

I'm so bad...

RE appt.

This morning (6:45am) I went in to my RE's office for lab/blood work to test my progesterone & estrogen level. And she just called me back. She said both levels are doing great. She said my progesterone was a 39.1 and anything over 26 is good. And she didn't give me a # for my estrogen level but she said it looks great, just to continue my Estrace (2mg estrogen pill) and my progesterone suppositories (400mg vag. suppositories).

I asked if I could come in for the pregnancy test as early as possible Monday morning and she said Yes. So my appt is at 6:45am and I should have the blood work results a couple hours later.

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do a home pregnancy test before Monday just to give me a little time to prepare myself for what the results will be.

Mini dose #2

Yesterday evening I got my last mini dose injection of HCG. Now that was the LAST shot for this cycle, YAY! So I called my RE's office to make an appointment for blood work to test progesterone, and estrogen. So its set, I gotta go in Wednesday morning 6:45 am for blood work. AND I have an appointment set for a pregnancy test on Monday, July 17th. GUH, I can't wait! I'm so anxious.

I'm trying not to get all worked up about it, but when you've wanted something for so long, and the possibility is finally there... I can't help myself but to be anxious.

I have a feeling that I am pregnant. I don't know why my mind is thinking this, and I should know better than to get my hopes up. But for some reason I just feel that I am. I've been having some light cramping in my sides, and yesterday I was nauseas. I know it may be a little to soon to start feeling pregnant, but I'm not gonna ignore the symptoms I'm having.

SIX more days till we have our blood test to find out. I hope it flies by!

Mini dose #1

Tonight Richard has to give me a shot. He's really good at giving me the shots now, so I'm not really worried about it. Today I have get a mini dose (2.5K) of HCG intramuscularly.
This mini dose is suppose to help support a potential pregnancy in its earliest stage. I have two mini dose shots to do, one today and one next week.

I'm feeling ok. Yesterday my breasts were a little sore, and for a couple of days now I've been having some mild cramping off & on, in my tummy. Its been worse at night than it is during the day. But I'm trying not to over analyze every little symptom I feel to be a PG or AF symptom. Its just crappy that they both share a lot of the same symptoms. Why couldn't my hair turn straight or my eyes change colors to signify that we're pregnant. LOL I know that's crazy, but it would be a lot better than having to be so patient and have to wait through the dreaded 2WW!

My second angel

Today, two years ago, my second baby became an angel.

Its been on my mind. No one remembered, not my family, nor my husband remembered. I'm sad about that, but I'm not gonna bring it up to them. Tonight I'm just going to light a special candle and say a rosary in my baby's memory. I'm hoping he or she knows they are remembered today and everyday.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I had all three babies with me. Me, a mother of THREE? It seems so unreal, but I know its real in heaven.

Hope my babies enjoy the fireworks tomorrow, all three of them.

Happy Angel-versary Angel Gonzales.
We'll always love you and will never forget you.

Day 3 & 4

So this weekend was the final days of our love-fest.
That's pretty much all we did all weekend. LOL.

I don't think we got one phone call all weekend, which was kinda nice, but makes me feel so out of the loop.

So now, we are off into our 2WW.

This weekend I have a baby shower to go to. I'm having mixed feelings about it, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go. She's my bestfriend from Houston, and we've been friends since we were 4 yrs old. This is her first baby, and I haven't seen her since last year at her dad's funeral service. My friend just found out like a month ago that she's having a girl, so I'm thinking it'll be a little easier shopping for a girl, than what it would be shopping for a baby boy. Hopefully.