First of all, AF still isn't here. Its CD53, and I'm STILL (im)patiently waiting. I think I'm gonna call my RE. She told me to give it 2 wks from my post-op appt, and if I didn't get my period to call it in. I'm thinking this means birth control... Fingers crossed it doesn't.
Last Monday my support group Wee Care had our 9th Annual Remeberance Ceremony. The ceremony is done in honor of the babies lost during pregnancy or infancy. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful. Everything was done by the candle light and it was during sunset. It was a very emotional evening yet a very heartwarming experience. To be around so many other parents, mingling, sharing, and really connecting felt so good. We listened to a song called, "My Name" and its written in the point of view of the baby in utero. It says that he knows his parents love him, even though they don't know his name. Then it comes time for birth, and he knows its to soon. His scared, but things begin to get bright. He sees a hand reaching for him and he takes it. As he's being guided not into Dr.'s arms but into the arms of Our Father. As they approach the pearly gates they open for them. Its a really beautiful song, makes me cry every time.
Anyway, back to the cermony... It was really nice, we listened to that song, then we had a moment in silence. The glow of our candles lit the area we were in. We have a concrete bench we stood near. Its a memorial bench and we all have painted tiles with our children's name on it. Each tile is different, once we paint one, the Wee Care facilitator has them grouted & glazed over. Its really pretty. I did Erik's tile with yellow stars a baseball bat & ball and it says "Our Star" his name and birthdate. I haven't made one for my other two babies, but I've been thinking about doing a tile for them too. After the ceremony was done, we close with a prayer and if anyone wanted to share anything they could. A few girls were strong enough to talk, one being a recent bereaved mom. She miscarried her son 4 wks ago. Seeing her strength, MADE me want to share what was on my mind. I had been really hard myself for not being further along with the grieving process as what I'd like to be by now. So I shared that, even after a year and half of grieving I wasn't done. But I recently read, in the book "Lost Parenthood" that a study showed the "normal" time range for grieving the loss of a baby is 2-3 years. I don't know why, but that made me feel somewhat better. Knowing I'm not just a crazy lady, crying for my losses, that its ok to still be grieving. Even though the book said its a 2-3 year process, it also stated that its not abnormal to grieve after that point. Its just an average. After the ceremony was done, we mingled, I met some of the parents & in-laws of some of the bereaved moms. I also got to meet some of their children they had after their losses. It was enlightening to see their involvement with the ceremony. One little boy said that he sometimes dreams of how beautiful she must be in heaven. I had to fight back the tears. I can only image what its like for a child to feel the effects of a loss, along with thier parents.
Well once we left I felt really good. I felt I really got to connect with the others, and I felt really happy to have honored our angels in the way we did. Our children we lost don't get to have big birthday parties, or soccer games. We as parents of angels don't get to attend kindergarten graduations, or get handmade Mother's Day cards made with elbow noodles... This, the Rememberance Ceremony, is all we have. Its our one and only real get together with others that we have to share the special short memories we had with our baby. Its the one place you can talk so freely about your baby, and people really care, listen, and know what you are talking about.
The next day, I got an email from our Wee Care facilitator. She told me, that she noticed me hugging the mom's, and sharing & listening to their stories. She said it made her proud that Wee Care has opened me up to be a caring and supportive person. And she proposed an offer. An offer I don't think I can pass up. She told me that if I would accept the offer, she would like to hand over the Wee Care support group to, yours truly. Me!!! If I accepted she'd pay for me to attend a 2-day RTS training (Resolve Through Sharing). And she would pay for me to attend a facilatator training course.
I WAS SO EXCITED! I can't believe this. This is so HUGE for me. Wee Care is such an established group, with so many caring individuals, and support. I was speechless. I'm still speechless. I haven't given her an answer yet, only because I have some questions before I say yes. She did tell me that I would have a co-facilitator to help me, so that's good. I really want to talk to her about my husband and I, TTC again. I wouldn't feel right hosting support group meetings with a pregnant growing belly, IF we were to get pregnant. That wouldn't be fair for them to have to see me progress through a pregnancy after losing theirs. I know how hard it is, because my sister is pregnant again. So I'd like to get her input on that.
Her plans are to hand the group over for 2008. This coming year would be her last, she formed this group and this coming year would be the 10th year in opperation.
Saturday was my Spa Party. It was great, I have a good turn out and got some free spa stuff for hosting the party & sales. I can't wait to get the rest of my stuff, so I could start to pamper myself a little more.
Oh, and my weightwatcher update. Last week I lost 3.6 lbs!!!! YAY!
So far, so good. I'm a little worried about blowing it for Thanksgiving, but we'll see.
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