I decided its time for me to get healthy again. Actually its passed that time, but I gotta start somewhere so that our next baby will have the best start he/she or THEY can have. This past year, I gained so much. I quit caring and was so depressed with losing my son, that I lost myself in the process. Its been a year and half since we lost him, and still it hurts really bad. Some days my heart hurts like the day I held him in my arms, I really can't think about it to much or I'll cry again... I'm a little upset with myself that I'm not doing better than I am. I'd thought by now I'd better, but I'm not. I don't blog about it much, because it the same ole thing. I miss him, I love him, I still can't believe he's gone, and I'll never hold him again. I know he's in a better place, I know I'll hold him again in heaven, I know he loves me as much as I love him, and I know I just have to give myself time... I know. But it still hurts.
So... To get my mind off of my pain for a little while I decided it was time that I start to take care of myself. For to long I've put off exercising, and I remember how well I slept when I did. I've put off eating healthy & drinking water, and I remember how well I felt and how good my skin looked when I did... I have to start to get myself back together again. I think feeling better about myself, sleeping better, looking better may help me move forward. Hell, I know that may sound stupid, but I've got it in my mind that my future baby's health is at stake here. I HAVE to do this for my baby.
So, last night I took a baby step for my future baby and joined weight watchers.
Today is going well. I had a good lunch, and its now 4:00 and I've resisted hittin up the vending machine. So yay for me.
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5 comments:
I know exactly where Alvin is...I live in Pearland!!!
Congrats on starting up WW! I need to do it SOOO bad. I always let myself go over the holidays but I've already done so bad the past couple of months that I can't even think about adding another pound...I feel so yucky. I keep using IVF as an excuse not to diet though but I could at least start walking or something. You've inspired me!
We do need to get together sometime! Do you still live there?
Jennie - I am so proud of you. Today is my first official day back on program, I joined online last night, are you using the e-tools? I am going to try to.
About Erik... I know that I have told you this before and you might be tired of hearing me say it, but their isn't a time line for grief. You are amazing... I think that it is amazing that you have come this far. It is amazing that you are trying again. You are so strong. Please don't try to move on too soon. You don't have to.
I am hear for you anytime you want to talk about Erik, or cry about Erik. Please don't ever feel that I don't want to hear about him. Even if it is just saying you miss him and you love him. It helps to say those things, it helps to talk about it.
You are in my thoughts. There is a new song, by Beverly Mitchell... just wanted to share it with you.
ANGEL
Have you ever met an angel?
Whose smile is like the sun.
Whose laugh is like a melody
Reaches everyone
Have you ever hugged an angel?
Swept up in their embrace
I swear, there’s nothing
In this world that makes you feel that safe
Have you ever really loved an angel?
Once you have, you’ll never be the same again.
Have you ever had to let go of an angel?
Say goodbye, Let ‘em fly
My Angel
My best friend
Have you felt the strength of an angel
When you needed it the most
Lifted by those gentle wings
You know you are not alone
Every now and then I
Feel the peace inside
Wherever life may take me
I’m guided by that light
Have you ever really loved an angel?
Once you have, you’ll never be the same again
Have you ever had to let go of an angel?
Say goodbye, Let ‘em fly
My Angel
My Best friend
And as the days goes by
I thank heaven for that time
We Had
I have really loved an angel
And I will never be the same again
I have had to let go of my angel.
Say goodbye
Let ‘em fly
My angel,
My best friend
That is so funny...we probably live less than 20 miles from each other!!! I live just between 288 and 35 off of 518...that's lots of numbers!!! However, we are looking to move to the Fulshear area since my office is moving to the northwest side. We'll see...no bites on the house yet. I love Pearland though and hate the thought of leaving.
Small world!!!!
BTW...I am sure you've heard of it but the Nutcracker Market is this weekend at Reliant and it is awesome. I am going tomorrow morning with my MIL; we've started an annual tradition. It's tons and tons of cute booths with great, unique Christmas stuff. Makes for a fun day!
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