funny but gross

Yesterday for dinner we didn't have anything planned, so we tossed together a quick Frito pie (Frito's corn chips, chili, shredded cheese & I like to add a little yellow mustard on mine.) When I have Frito pies it always reminds me of when I was a young playing little league girls softball, or when my brothers were in youth football and I was a cheerleader out on the field jumping around cheering. Good times... Anyway. So we had our Frito pies for dinner, watched Dancing w/the Stars, then for dessert I made us root beer floats. It was soooo good. We drank them, then after the show we hopped in the shower. All of a sudden, I didn't feel so good. I told Richard lets just make this shower a quick one, so I can go lay down. I had just gotten shampoo worked into my hair when.... I started throwin' up....ALL over his feet. I felt to bad. Physically I felt better, but I felt terrible that I had vomited on him. I jumped out of the shower and hugged the toilet to finish. All evening I couldn't stop apologizing for doing that, but he was understanding and said as long as I felt better then its ok and at least he was in the shower to wash it off...

Valuable Lesson Learned: Chili & IceCream don't mix well.

Ok, now that I've turned your stomach. Hope all is well with everyone and yall have a great Tuesday.

Monday

Thank to God, we are finally past 12 wks and we're moving right along. (We're 12 wks 5 days) I know we're not "out of the woods" yet, and won't be till our chubby baby is crying in our arms, but I will breathe a little sigh of relief to be done with our 1st trimester. This weekend was one of the best weekends I've had a while. Not because I got to do anything fun, but because the morning sickness eased up and I actually got to eat and keep it all down. I was so happy. Saturday night my sister, her husband and Jacob came over to spend a night at my house. We ate pizza & had root beer (A&W is caffine free) floats, and it was SOOOO good! Not to jinx it, but I'm still feeling pretty good today. One of my really sweet co-workers told me this morning that I was glowing. I laughed and said, its probably because I don't feel so green today. lol

Regarding my last entry (I know this day in age its a touchy subject) but what I will say is... I REALLY do appriciate everyone's opinion, point of view, comments & support. I understand that unfortunately there are ignorant people in this world that will just never change, and we will have to excuse them from time to time and offer up our prayers for them. But I can do my part as future parent to be amoungst the "Newer Generation" of parents that will teach my child(ren) as I have been taught, to love and respect others regardless race, religion, age and/or gender. To me, Racism = Hatered and that is not acceptable by my standards. I guess that's why it bothers me so much when I hear racial slurs or stereotypes, but the chain can and MUST be broken. I know it probably won't be in my time, but hopefully by my great-great-grandchildren's time this world will see itself to be one of unity. I suppose one could be so hopeful...

VENTING - NOT pregnancy related

If you heard a conversation like this (being of ANY race) containing these particular comments how would that make you feel? Would you be offended? Would it not effect you at all?

"A guy came in asking if we were hiring, but he didn't have a
resume' and for all I know he probably doesn't even have his 'papers.' "

"It wouldn't matter if he literate or not as long as he can read
numbers off of dials; and most people from Mexico know their numbers."
While holding up his watch, "If he can tell the time from the hands on a
watch, then he's hired!"

If you are one that is offended, would you confront the person? Would you tell a supervisor?
What if the person that said these things IS a supervisor?
(Sad to say, that my boss's boss is the one that said these comments.)

***If you are one that is not offended or don't see anything wrong with these comments, you can stop reading now.***

There aren't many things that can send me over the edge, but this is one thing that does. Racial comments, regardless of the race being targeted, MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL AND MY BLOOD BOIL! I wanted to jump out of my chair, and tell him off so bad! No one, no matter who you are, has the right to say demeaning and discriminatory comments about any race, at any time. You could be the f**king President of the United States for all I care, and that STILL doesn't give you the right!

My hands were shaking, my eyes wallowed up with tears, and my face turned so hot I had to go outside. I called my husband and told him how upset it made me, and to please talk me down before I say something I'm going to regret later. It took a while, but I'm ok now. No, I'm not going to say anything to him or any other supervisor, only because this issue has me so upset I don't want to get so emotional that I end up stressing myself out and it effecting our baby. Nothing is more important than the little miracle we have inside. No ignorant jerk or his comments, are worth what I have going on.

And yes, I do realize that my overly active hormones may be a little of what is fueling my emotions.

There, I said it. Now I'm curious to know what your outtake is on this topic.
Go!

what a day we had yesterday

Richard said he was on "pins & needles" until after I called to tell him about the ultrasound. When I called him he was at the cemetary having lunch and visiting Erik. He said, that's his place to think, pray and feel close to Erik. And when he is stressed out he goes during his lunch break to sit in the grass and have quiet time and near our baby boy, he said its their "Father & Son time". And it gives him a recharged feeling to make it through what ever it is he's going through. When he got the good news that the baby is ok and still has a heartbeat, he thanked God and our little angel for helping us get through that scare.

So when I got home last night Richard hugged me then pressed his mouth close to my belly and told baby to "be a good, and to not scare us like that anymore." We'll see... I hope he/or she heard him. If that was our last scare from here on till after October, that'll make us one happy couple.

But what I do know is that, God is so good. We prayed so hard, and clung to our faith during our time of uncertainty, and He saw us through it. The power of prayer is amazing!
Our thanks and prayers go out to all those that lifted us up in prayer.

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee." Psalms 55:22

Can't find a heartbeat **** UPDATE ****

I hate to even write this post but, I just got back from my Ob/gyn appt and she wasn't able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. She sent in another girl to try, and no luck. They both tried a second time, and neither one could find it. By then I started to panic. They both left the room, talked for a brief moment then my Ob/gyn came back in and said she's going to send me for an ultrasound to see if the pregnancy is still viable. Trying to fight the lump in my throat, I asked her if I should start worrying... And she said, "No, let's just do the ultrasound and find out for sure what's going on." She called the imaging center and asked for a "pregnancy viability ultrasound needed today ASAP." The soonest they could get me in is 11:45, so I came back to work. I'll be here for an hour, before I have to leave again. I know it wasn't worth my time or fuel to drive all the way back to work, but I know if I stayed out I'd be sitting in some parking lot crying and worrying about what may be. So I came back, just to blog to get this off my chest, and to try to do a little work to occupy my mind for a while.

If the ultrasound goes well, I'll come back & update. If not, I'm going home.


My God, I'm terrified.. please just let this litte baby be ok.



**********UPDATE***********

Thank you all for the prayers.

With hope and prayers in my heart, I went in for the ultrasound. And there our little baby was, moving and kicking around so much. And Thank God, we saw a heartbeating. The ultrasound tech couldn't say much, but I did see where she measured the baby and he/or she was measuring exact to date, 11 wks 6 days. Then she pointed out a heartbeat, and tried to measure it but the baby was moving around way to much. She reset the recording like 10 times, and towards the end of each recording the baby would flip around giving us the backside. Finally she got a reading. She didn't give me the baby's heart rate, but she did give me 2 pictures. So with that in mind, if something was wrong I highly doubt she'd give out pictures. But since she did, I'm taking it all is well and I'm feeling really relieved. I'll just have to wait for my Ob/Gyn to call to give me the rest of the details.

My Goodness, that little stinker scared me! The ultrasound tech joking said this little one's middle name should be Trouble-Maker, and I agree!

This rollarcoaster of ups & downs never seems to stop.

Below is one of the ultrasound pictures I got.




Here the baby's arms & hands are up close to his/or her face.

Peek-A-Boo!

Post-Op appt

The appointment went well, for the most part. My RE did a pevic exam to check on my cervical cerlage, and said I healed nicely. My blood pressure and temperture are both in check and she pressed around on my belly (which always scares me, because I'd never press any where close to as deep as she does) and she said all is well.
Another good thing, tomorrow morning (at 7:00am) she's going to do a 1 hour Glucose test on me to see if I can get off of Metformin. If tomorrow's testing goes well, that's 2 less pills to take everyday, ANNNNND she's going to repeat the thyroid test to see if I can get off of my hyperthryroid pill. And the even better part (oh man, this is great) I can stop taking the progesterone vaginal suppositories! YAYYYYY! I've been on them since.... Since Forever! I'm so glad to be able to stop taking those yucky things now.

Tomorrow I also have an regular Ob/Gyn appt. and I'm really hoping to get to hear my little one's heartbeat. If I don't hear it, or if she doesn't have a doppler (which I HOPE she does) then I'm going to reconsider renting a doppler. I don't mind hearing the baby's heartbeat a few of times, but if I don't EVER get to hear it... I'm not cool with that.

Doppler

I looked into about 4 or 5 different fetal doppler rental websites, and think I'm pretty convinced that I'm not going to be getting one. I seems like such a good idea to be able to hear the baby's heartbeat anytime... But after really thinking about it, and talking to my husband about it, we both agree that we could see that it might cause us some unnecessary stress. God forbid, if I couldn't find the baby's heartbeat, I'd probably lose my mind. So, its probably better off that I not put myself, my husband, and more importantly the baby through that kind of stress. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there that love thier dopplers, and that's great... But I just don't think its for someone like me (a compulsive worrier & stresser.) Maybe with the next pregnancy, I'll change my mind... But for this one, I don't really think its for us.
Plus, I'm sure we can find something else to spend the $25-40 a month on.

4 days Post-Op

And I'm feeling great. I don't really notice or feel anything different after the surgery, I guess because my cervix isn't a part of my body that I encounter everyday. To be quite honest and this may be a little gross but, I am a curious as to what it looks like... You know, like after you get stitches on your arm or leg and its all bandaged up and you can't see it. After a while ya get kinda curious as to what it might look like and ya wanna take a peek... Ok, maybe its just me and I'm gross... But either way, I know I'm to chicken to find out. lol

My post-op appt is this coming Monday, and my next Ob/gyn appt is Next Tuesday. I'm wondering if this next time I'll be able to hear baby's heartbeat. I'm hoping between both visits at least one will let me hear it. Its the most beautiful sound ever... I remember hearing Erik's heart beating everyday for the two weeks I was in the hospital with him. I never got tired of it. It was so amazing to know that our hearts were together in my body and they were the closest they'll ever be. The intense feeling of love and complete joy that hearing that baby's heart is something I just can't explain. It just takes my breath away.

I'm considering ordering/renting a fetal heartbeat doppler... I might check into that later on today. I just don't want to get one, and it freak me out if I can't find the baby's heartbeat... Lord knows, I don't need anymore added worries or stress.

Surgery went well

Thank you all so much for the support. I was so nervous, and knowing I had prayers and friends behind me made me feel so comforted.

The morning of the surgery I woke up late, of course, and had to rush out of the house. When we got to the hospital I was pleasantly surprised to see both my parents there waiting for me. They both came to be with me because they knew how nervous I'd be. It was nice to have them both there, my mom is so calming, and my dad is such a joke-ster it was nice to have my dad making me laugh, my mom to be reassuring and my hubby to be my rock. When it was time we said a quick prayer together, my daddy did the sign of the cross on my forehead, my mom gave me a tight hug and whispered a few words of encouragement, my hubby gave me an "I love you" look, kissed me, then kissed my belly and I was off to the OR. As I was wheeled off I was fighting back the tears in my eyes. I remember hearing the nurses talking about who got eliminated on Amer.ican Idol the night before, at first it was a little irratating because I was trying to pray. But then was a nice little distraction until I drifted off to sleep. It seemed like just a blink, and it was all over. My eyes opened and my family was there with warm smiles on thier faces, my hubby said, "Good Morning Sleeping Beauty." It made me smile, and let me know the worst was over. I was in the recovery room for a couple of hours, and then released to go home. I was so drugged, I don't remember the drive home or much more of that day. I slept the entire day away. Richard told me I talked to a couple of people on the phone but I don't remember who, or what I said... But either way I'm glad I did talk to Jenna and she posted a little update for me. (Thanks Jenna, you're the best!)

One the funny side. After the surgery was over, my RE talked to my family and told them that she had a nurse monitoring the baby while I was in surgery. She said with the anesthiesia the baby was relaxed, so relaxed he or she had his hands up by its head it looked like he was "just chillin'." She reassured them that baby's heartbeat stayed stable throughout the procedure, just that the baby was relaxing right along with me. She said she expected me (and baby) to recover well from the surgery.

The weekend went ok. I didn't do anything interesting, just rest, sleep, watch movies (Bor.at & Barn.yard) and both movies were entertaining. I slept a lot over the weekend. As far as how I feel... I'm relieved the surgery is done. It was such an important step, I feel like now we really have a chance at having a healthy pregnancy. More of a chance than I'd ever had before. Physically I feel well, not 100%, but well enough to return to work. I have take my time when going from a standing to a sitting position & vice versa, and I'm walking a little slower. ** TMI ** I lightly spotted pink on Saturday but by Sunday it was gone.

nervous about the cerclage sugery

Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am, for admitting. My surgery is scheduled for 6:30am, and it should take an hour. After the surgery, I'll be sent to the recovery room for 2-3 hrs, then sent home. I have bedrest for 2 days and SHOULD be back to work Monday morning. That is if all goes well.

I'm fricking nervous. I'm trying not to be, I really am... Last night I spent the evening picking out the perfect color polish for my toe nails, and I know the dr.'s couldn't give a rat's as$ but I CARE! Once I finished my toes, I started on my finger nails. I cut them short, and went with clear polish. ( I know through past experience, they like to see the nail beds to look for proper blood flow.) Clear wasn't my first choice for my nails, but I can change it later. For now, it'll be ok.

I'm going to try to get my gal-pal Jenna to post for me once I'm out of surgery and we know all is well. Just cuz I'd hate to leave anyone hanging, wondering how it went.

Please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow...

a lot on my mind.

***UPDATE***

Thank you all for your support, prayers and well wishes. It means so much to me.

Thanks to God, the ultrasound went great, and I'm back at work!
I got to see our little one in there just wiggling around, just as he (or she) should be. The heartbeat is a wonderful 172 bpm, and the baby is measuring right up to date, 9 wks 6 days. I was so SO SOOO relieved to see that little heartbeat. Its amazing how much the baby has grown in the last 2 wks. I got to see a head, and a growing brain, heart, body, legs and arms. And the baby was moving its little arms and legs, its the sweetest thing. I really hate that Richard missed this ultrasound. I had to really fight back the tears, seeing that precious little life inside me growing and thriving before my very own eyes. This baby has really done wonders for my spirits and faith. He (or she) has already shed so much light into our lives, just being with us.



*******Ultrasound pic below********

The oval on the left is baby's body, circle on the right is baby's head. And the little white things coming out from the middle are baby's arms. In this picture you really can't see its legs, but I got to see them during the scan.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Last night I couldn't sleep. My mind was wondering, and planning each and every senario that could possibly happen at my appointment.
Things on my mind:
March 3rd, made 3 years since we lost our first baby and I had a D&C. I remember feeling completely blind-sided, shocked and devastated that we, (a relatively healthy & young happily married couple) could miscarry a baby. I was SO naive to think, it wouldn't happen to me, and that it only happened to women that were not healthy, did drugs or drank while pregnant. To think that I had done everything "by the book" and still, it was out of my hands and we lost our precious little one. I still have my first u/s picture for that baby, and last year at my in-laws house in a photo album I found this baby's picture matted and a journal entry that this was Our special little Valentine baby. Since I had surprised everyone on Valentine's day with the news & ultrasound.
March 16th is my nephew Jacob's 2nd birthday. Our little Erik was born 2 months after my sister's baby was born. Its just sad to think of what should've been when I see her planning a boy's John Deere tractor party. I can see my son in my heart, he's a chubby brown haired little boy sitting next to his only boy cousin wearing a birthday hat singing happy birthday...
March 9th is suppose to be the date for my cerclage. That is if, this appointment goes well. My sister called me this morning to wish me luck, because she new I was going alone. And she reminded me that I should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat this appointment... I hate that I have to go alone. Richard is taking Friday off to be with me on the day of my surgery, so he didn't feel right asking for today off too. I hope everything goes well... I'm so nervous. If everything goes ok, I'm coming back to work and I'll update this post... If not, then I'm going home.

Wish me luck.

Its been a week since I've posted and..

I’m doing ok; it’s just been a long week for me. I won’t get into all that’s stressing me out, but I will say that yesterday was a good day. Yesterday at work, I got a bonus check that I wasn’t expecting. I must have been a good girl last year because I got a lot more than what I was expecting. Well, I really wasn’t expecting anything, but when I found out I was getting a bonus I definitely didn’t have that dollar amount in mind. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with it yet, but I’m sure I’ll find something to spend it on. Richard got a Christmas bonus and bought himself a Playstation 3 and a couple of games, so he told me (before I opened the envelope) that I could do whatever I wanted with my bonus. But with this kind of money, I just don’t think I can spend on myself. I’m to damn responsible and am already thinking of what bills I can pay off. He wants me to spend it on me, but since my RE has me on limited activity (because of my OHSS) its hard to plan a shopping spree. I guess I can just wait, but it’s burning a whole in my pocket! Lol

Well as for the pregnancy, we’re doing well. We’re 9 wks 2 days and progressing right along. I can see my body starting to change some. I lost 10 lbs (on weight watchers) before I got a BFP, and once I got the bfp I quit dieting. Since then I’ve lost another 5 1/2 lbs (NOT trying.) The morning sickness is all day, everyday. I haven’t really vomited but maybe twice; the worst part of it right now is the nausea and complete loss of appetite which is SO not like me. I love food, my family loves food, and anytime we get together it somehow revolves around food. It could be just a normal “come'on over and hang out with us” kinda day and we still manage to bake up some cookies & coffee before the night is over. But now, I can’t stand the thought or sight of food. And I really can’t stand the food commercials, which happens to be majority of the commercials on TV these days, if yall haven’t noticed. Ugh, the burger.king and taco.bell commercials are the worst. I literally have to change the channel when they come on, or it just turns my stomach. Richard laughes at me because if he has the remote and doesn’t change it in time, I cover my eyes the way our mother’s used to when we were kids and a kissing scene was in a movie. I know the nausea is a small SMALL price to pay for the little miracle we have growing inside, so I’d never complain.
The other change I’ve noticed in my body is that my chest is a bit fuller. On the norm, I’m a C, and now I’m more like a full C bordering a D. Again, not complaining, in fact it’s been appreciated by my observant husband. BUT we're still abstaining (per RE’s instruction) so the fun-bags, bah-zoombas, tah-tahs, knockers ( . )( . ) , or whatever ya like to call ‘em, they're are off limits. You can admire the girls, but keep you paws to yourself. (I’m so mean to him) **evil laugh** tee he he

So, my next appt is March 6th, and its gonna be one of many things. Its gonna be my last visit with my RE before she graduates me over to my ob/gyn, its gonna be my last ultrasound with her, AND its gonna be my pre-op. If all goes well, then on March 9th, I’m going in for surgery. Out-patient surgery that is, and my RE will be placing a cerclage. Its basically, stitches on my cervix to keep me from dialating prematurely, again. Because of my last loss, it was ruled that I have an incompetent cervix, so these stitches will be placed to prevent me from miscarrying again. Well… I, of many woman, know anything can happen. But this will be just to protect me from having any issues related to the incompetent cervix. I know only God knows if my little guy (or girl) is gonna make it, and for now I'm just fine with that.