Pediatric Neurologist appt

Yesterday we drove 2 hours to Joey's appointment, and he slept the whole way there.

His Ped. Neurologist looked at the MRI images that we got when I was 30wks pregnant and compared them to the MRI images that were taken when Joe was in the NICU and said that there's a "phenomenal improvement." The dip in his brain is still there, but its significantly less than what it was. The six weeks in between the 1st MRI and the 2nd has made a big difference. He said that if we didn't have these images that we wouldn't be in his office because Joey's growing well and isn't showing any signs of being effected by this brain anomaly. So he told us he wants to see Joey again at 6 months to do a 3rd MRI to see if there are any more changes. And the best part, the part that makes me want to drop to my knees, is that he said he does not see Schizencephaly. Although Schiz. is not completely out of the picture yet; this improvement is such a big improvement that it just may be out of the picture soon. But for the mean time, he told us to continue to love and enjoy Joey but to continue to keep an eye out for seizure activity, just in case.

So over all the appt went well. But before we left Joey had to have blood drawn to see if he inherited the MTHFR blood clotting disorder that I have. It was so sad. The phlebotimist put a turnaquet (sp?) on his tiny arm and drew blood, and my poor baby screamed his little heart out. It was so hard to watch... I almost lost it. My husband couldn't bear to watch, he had to turn away, he couldn't stand to see him hurt like that. So now I know, Richard's definately going to have to go with me to Joey's 2 month appointment when he gets his immunizations, there's no way I want to go through that one alone.

Joseph weighed 7 lbs 5.9 oz and is 19.49 inches

Joey's 1st ride in his stroller

Exhausted, and on our way home

(with his little blue bandage)

Oct. 3rd

Jenna- Thanks for the encouragement (we talked on the phn) and thanks for the links.
Kirsten- Thanks for the comment, I don't see myself as a super mom yet. Just a mom that wants the best for her son. But if that makes me a Super Mommy, than I'll take it! :)
Dee- Thanks for your input too, God I had no idea BFing would be this hard. But if its just not meant to be, then it its just not meant to be. Thanks for the support.
Jenn- Thank you too. Sharing your experiences w/BFing makes me feel A LOT more normal and not so much like a failure.
Lauren- Thank you too for sharing your experiences w/BFing. It IS an intimate decision, I think I need to pray about this to help find my answer.
Sarah-Thank you for your kind words & support. I really needed to hear it from someone that I'm not making a selfish decision not to BF. (p.s. I emailed you the incision pictures)


I love you guys, I really do. If yall haven't noticed it about me, I'm the type of gal that wears my heart on my sleeve and I really do take to heart the comments that are left on my blog. So thank you all so much for your help and support. For the meantime, I'm gonna try to continue to BF, and before I give in and give up I've promised myself I'd contact a lactation consultant for one last good shot at it.

Looking at my ticker (which I need to delete & update) I see that today is my Due Date. Joseph is now full term... Wow. I still can't believe he's here and I'm not sure when that will finally set in. Everyday I look at him and think of how lucky and blessed we are.

Tomorrow morning (10-4-07) at 8:30am Joey has an appointment with his Pediatric Neurologist at TX Children's Hospital. Earlier this week I went to ClearLake hospital (where I delivered) and got his MRI images put on a CD, from the MRI that was done after he was born. I'm taking the CD tomorrow so we can compare them with the MRI images from when he was diagnosed w/Schizencephaly (that brain anomaly) at 30wks gestation. I'm thinking they're going to want to do a 3rd MRI... But we'll see how that goes tomorrow wish us luck.

(Mental note: Don't forget tomorrow is my sister's 3 year wedding anniversary) My sister is 24, married 3 years with two boys-a 2 year old and a 5 month old... Gah, what it would be like to be young again but with no fertility issues. Lucky biotch!

Ok. Its getting late I better go.

Unloading about Post-op & BF'ing

First of all, thanks for the encouraging words on bre.astfeeding. I was a little down about slacking off. However, for several reasons I don't feel its going well, and I think I'm closer to quitting than I am to sticking with it. Let me explain.

1. I didn't research bf'ing while I was pregnant mainly because of my previous losses, I had my doubts that this pregnancy would work out. So I have Joey (thank God) then he goes to the NICU for 3 days. All the while I'm suppose to encourage my milk production by pumping and when I go home, I have not the slightest clue (ok maybe a tiny clue) but not very much knowledge about bf'ing. But by the time I have a chance to reattach my head to my exhaused body, my milk supply has already been inhibited.

2. Since I STILL have not posted a birth story (which I am sorry for) I'll go ahead and tell you what's going on with me. After the c-section my Ob tells me that I DO have PCOS. Prior to surgery I had some symptoms but now that she's seen my ovaries I now have it for sure. From what she's said (and I have researched it any but) women w/PCOS often have issues with BF'ing... something to do with the hormone imbalancement??? If anyone has any insight on this, plz feel free to share since I don't see myself with any time to research stuff anymore.

3. (Possible TMI) This by far has to be the worst part and your probably not gonna believe me... But I have pictures (if anyone morbidly curious wants to see.) The day I was discharged from the hospital my staples were removed and "skin tape" was put in its place. The tape was suppose to be there for a week then fall off. Ok. So we come home with baby in tow. I walk inside my house and go directly over to my bed (which is located IN my living room since I was on bedrest for so long we moved it there.) and my husband placed Joey in my arms. That's ALL I did. Well, after our house guests/welcoming home party finally left, Richard and I were about to have dinner when I felt my pants wet from the front lower belly area. I slowly walked over to the bathroom to access myself when I saw that I was bleeding pretty bad. We had only been home an hour and I had bled through a gauze dressing, a thick hospital pad, and all the way through my pants. I showed Richard and he got a good look my incision and told me it was open about 3 inches across. I call my Ob and she directs me to "Get to the ER!" We get there and of course we have to drive up right behind 3 ambulances and the waiting room was so freaking packed. I get through triage, and as an "urgent care active bleeder" there's nothing that they can do but have me wait in the waiting room until a room opens. FIVE HOURS LATER (we were there from 9PM-2:00AM) I got my wound washed out and re-stuffed with gauze. The next day my Ob got me in to her office, and ripped open my incision completely with her fingers(it hurt like crazy!!!) So now I and my very GREEN husband are looking at an incision about 10 inches across my belly, and about 4 inches deep that he now has to wash out with saline and pack tightly with 3 strips of 4x4 gauzes. So not only do I have to wear a pad for post-partum reasons, but I now have to wear a pad across my belly over my incision. Tomorrow it'll be 4 wks that my husband and I have been caring for an open incision wound that we have to clean and redress 2-3 times a day all the while caring for a newborn.

So because of all this mess BFing hasn't been going well. I don't have time to eat much less try to pump or fight with my son that's already so nipple confused. I have cried so many nights, I can't beat myself up over this anymore. I'm trying, I really am. My Ob has even me a Rx for Reglan to help bring on milk production, and I can't tell if its working. I'm not getting much more than 1 ounce total when I pump so Joey's eating 3-4 ounces every 3-4 hours so I'm doing a lot of suplimenting. I'm so stressed out about this... I guess that's why I feel I'm closer to quitting than I am to continuing. Am I wrong? WWYD?

2 Week Check-up & pics

I guess I'm down to posting once a week... I'm just so darn busy. Half of the time I can't tell if I'm awake or asleep... Sleep has been pretty much non-existant this week. But as an Infertile Graduate, I'd never complain.

My little Jo-Jo had two appointments this past week. He went in for his 2 week check up and he cried like I've never heard him cry before when the nurse poked his heal. When the nurse was pinching his heal trying to get blood to put on a card, and he was so mad he was kicking her with his other foot. Poor little guy... She measured him and he grew! In two weeks he grew 1 and a 1/4 inch. But the upsetting part is that he lost weight. Pediatrician said its normal for infants to lose, but I have to say I felt like crap. Joey was born weighing 5 lbs. 8 oz. and he was down to weighing 5 lbs. 4 1/2 oz. So his Ped. scheduled a follow-up appt for another weigh-in four days later. He also suggested we slack off on brea.stfeeding, and supplement with Sim!lac Isomil (soy product) because he noticed that Joey had spit up quite a bit in his office. So we did. We went back yesterday for his follow-up and he gained. We were aiming at getting him at least back to his birth weight, and he did it. He actually surpassed it! He's now weighing 6 lbs. 5 oz. and I'm so proud of him.

Here's a picture of him all bundled up on his way to his 1st Dr. appointment.

Joey's newest trick: Ok, last week I wasn't sure if him holding his pacifier was intentional or not... We'll this week I'm sure he knows what he's doing. I'm noticing him putting his finger in the hole in the center of his Soothie pacifier. I'm also seeing that when he's pi$$ed off at me for taking to long to get him his bottle, he swats his hand over his mouth shooting that pacifier across the room and HAS to land on the floor. Gah!

Ok... That's all the time I have for now. Little man has me on a tight schedule and its about time for him to eat again.

Here's some pics of this week, I put Joey in the camo outfit Richard got him when he went to Daddy Boot Camp.

"Sgt. Joseph Michael Gonzales reporting for duty."

"Ahhhh-tention!"

"Ok Mom, that's enough pictures!"

WAAAAA!

These last two pictures are a bit personal but I'm going to share them with you all anyways. I'm nursing Joey and the bonding we are doing is unspoken, but is felt so deeply between us.

Week 1

We survived week one, whew! I'm here, with 30 gallon trash bags under my eyes, but we're all here, relatively healthy, and we're making it. And through the fatigue, I can honestly say I love, LOVE my new role as mommy.

Today my little man turned 2 weeks old. I just can't believe how fast time has flown by. It seems like we just brought him home yesterday.

Joey's doing great. He's a good eater, sleeper and a Super Pooper! I would of never thought that such a little baby could produce so much poop-and stinkyyyyy!

Joey's new trick: He can hold his pacifier in his mouth (its the cutest thing) but I'm not sure if its intentional or not. But when he gets goin on his pacifier, and he feels it start to come out, he pushes it back in and holds it there.

Oh, and at a week and one day old his umbilical cord stumpy fell off. It reminded me of the Pinocchio movie when he sings, "I've got no strings on me!"

(Side note) I'm working on a birth story... Stay tuned!

My cousin gave us a diaper cake and in it was a ton of great stuff along with these really cute boxing gloves. I thought they were just a decoration, but they're actually baby gloves. I put them on Joey for a little while, but since they're so puffy, they're a bit to heavy for him. So here are a few pics.






In the white corner, wearing (preemie) Spiderman trunks and Blue boxing gloves,
JOEYYYYYY GON-ZA-LES!


"Put up your dukes!"



"My punches are too fast for pictures!"

We're Home! (Baby Pics)

We're finally home, Thank God! We ALL were discharged from the hospital on Sunday evening.

My little Joey is such a good little boy and when I'm doing better have I got a story for you. But as to be expected I can't be long, I'm posting in between the 3 hr window before his next feeding. I'm really suppose to be sleeping. My brain is not functioning due to lack of sleep, sorry my sentences are choppy. So I'll just leave yall with some pics.

Introducing: The Man of the Hour!
Joseph Michael Gonzales
Born: Sept. 6, 2007 at 8:23am
Weighing: 5 lbs 8 ounces and 18 inches long.

He was born screaming and he peed the moment he was lifted from my womb. :)


Enjoy!





Joey's 1st Picture




Wiping his feet after taking his foot prints.



Mommy meets Baby... Priceless


Father & Son


First family picture


In the NICU, about to be bathed.


He looks so much like me here.


Last day in the NICU in an Open Crib.

Happy Birth Day!

Good Morning!
It's 4:00am and my eyes burn but my mind has been going 200 mph non-stop since last night. I didn't think we were ever gonna get to sleep. But when I woke up to make one of the last middle-of-the-night-pit-stops I was glad, because that meant I actually did get a wink of sleep.

I can't believe its here. In just a few hours we are going to welcome a new baby into this world. I've been (Im)patiently Waiting My Turn for so long, and well folks it seems like its finally my turn. I am estatic, there really aren't any words to describe. But I will say that, the way I feel right now awaiting the moment of arrival for our baby, I wish this on every fellow sister infertile. I wish this on my best friends on-line & off. But most of all and with ALL my heart, I wish this on each and every one of you readers that read faithfully (even those that don't) but that wish this on themselves too.

Since I'm not taking my laptop to the hospital, because I'm sure my hubby is gonna be to busy to keep an eye on it. I thought I'd let you all know again that we both are so thankful for your support, kind words and encouragement. Its been a journey, to say the least, but my sanity IS because I have a place to vent, and friends to listen and pick me up. Thanks for everything along the way, and thanks for helping us welcome our son into this world.

Love always,
Mr. & Mrs. Richard & Jennie
the soon to be proud parents of
Joseph Michael Gonzales

Today our 3 special little angels in Heaven will sing a joyful song.

This is it.

Our little get together went really well, my parents, in-laws, BIL & family and sister & family came over. Our priest arrived around 9:00am and we began the morning in prayer. It was really nice. He placed his hand on my head and blessed me, then placed a hand on my belly to give our son a blessing and right when he did he caught a nice little kick. We all had our heads bowed, and when I felt the kick it broke my concentration and made me smile. But that's ok, because when I peeked over at the priest he was still mid-smile too. After the blessings I received the Eucharist, and it felt so cleansing. It had been so long since I've received it, I almost forgot how much I missed it. It really gave me the push I was needing to get through these last few days. Before the priest left he blessed everyone here in prayer, and he walked from room to room to blessing our house. He couldn't stay very long because he had Mass to deliver at the church, so we packed him a plate to go. My goodness did we have a lot of food here. My MIL made homemade tortillas, a fresh pot of beans, and eggs & chorizo (Mexican sausage). My dad made barbacoa & langua (beef & cow tongue), guacamole and fresh salsa. My sister made pancakes & banana pancakes. My BIL brought over empanadas, pan dulce (Mexican sweet bread & pastries) a chocolate cake and a double crusted apple pie... I could go on & on, it was all SO good. We all ate, visited and it turned out to be a nice little family get-together.

Yesterday I had my last OB appt. It was a long one, but it went well. We basically went over all the plans for the c-section & after care. We also did a Group B Strep screening. I tested positive with my previous pregnancy so I'm sure this time will probably be positive again, but either way I'm sure to be given antibiotics just in case.

And today I had an appt at the hospital to get registered, sign all consents, blood draw, ect. I did get to speak with the anesthesiologist, and got the run down about what's gonna happen tomorrow. So now we're all set. I have to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at 5:30am and we're having our baby boy at 7:30am. I just can't believe its finally here... I can't seem to wrap my brain around it, it so funny. I'm ready, really excited a bit little nervous (not to much though) but it just doesn't seem real. I'm having a baby. I, I am having a baby. I AM having a baby... I really am gonna have a baby.... I could say it a million times and still it doesn't seem real. And tomorrow is the big day! I try to think of what this is gonna be like and I just can't imagine what its gonna to feel like to hold him, and to hear his little cry.

Ok, I'm gonna stop before I start crying. (whew)

Ok gals. I better go now. By tomorrow afternoon I'm gonna try to get a pic posted, if there's not one here yet then check the comments and I'll have Jenna post the stats for you all.

Wish me luck.

See ya on the flip side!

Our 6th year Wedding Anniversary

September 1, 2001

Two young crazy kids in-love took the plunge.

We got married a few days after Tropical Storm Allison dumped 37 inches of rain & flooded the roads forcing my sister, parents and I to evacuate to higher grounds, which happened to be into my new one bedroom apartment that was unfurnished (except for one bed & a couch.) Its was a disaster. The morning of my wedding day it rained and I cried. My mom trying to comfort me told me its Good Luck (whatever) but I just knew no one would be able to make it with the floods and barricaded roads. But by the time I got to the church there was this beautiful rainbow in the sky, something I'll never forget. It was there to remind me that our Lord made Noah and his descendants an everlasting promise, that after each storm there would be a rainbow. (Gen. 9:1-17)

The wedding ceremony & reception went off with out a hitch. Despite the floods & closed roads our church and reception venue was filled with family and friends and I couldn't have been more happy. It truly was the most perfect day that every little girl dreams of.

Skipping ahead 3 (wonderful) years, we began TTC. Figuratively, that was our bad flood. The flood of emotions, infertility and continuous heartbreaks after each pregnancy loss. I never thought we'd ever see a rainbow or an end to these tragic painful years of trying to have a baby and failing.

Here we are 6 years later, celebrating not only our anniversary but now we are about to see the rainbow we have been waiting so long for.

Our son.

Thank God.

NEW Birth Date

After a brief conversation with my Ob this morning, she informed me that the c-section date has been changed. The c-section will be done on Sept. 6th at 7:30am.

So here's my schedule for next week:

Sept. 1 -- Our 6 year Wedding Anniversary
Sept. 3 -- Priest, Father Jack is coming over to bless us & baby (9:30am)
Sept. 4 -- I have a pre-op/last OB appointment (2:20pm)
Sept. 5 -- Pre-op/admissions at the hospital (10:00am)
Sept. 6 -- C-Section (7:30am) Baby's Birth Day!

I am so excited & anxious to meet our son. I pray that the surgery goes well and he is ok. I don't know what issues we're are going to have to face once he's born, but I DO know that what ever they are, with plenty of prayers and each other we're going to be strong enough to make it. So to all my cyber-sisters out there, my husband and I thank you for all your support and well wishes. We just ask that you continue to lift up our son in prayer.

The miracle that this little boy already is to us probably wouldn't be, had it not been for the power of prayer.

Last ultrasound pic

Here's the last ultrasound picture at 33 wks 5 days

weighing 4 lbs 13 oz

11 days to go until Baby Day!

The 2ww

So just when I thought the 2 week waits are over, their not. Although the kinda 2ww we're in, is very different then the normal kind we're used to. We're in a 2ww for our c-section! We finally set a date, we're having our baby Sept. 7th. YAY!

These past couple of days, I've been so busy, busy, busy from the bed-quarters. I've called the hospital to get my admission papers sent to me, so I don't gotta worry about that when we go in on the big day. I've found the most awesome I mean awwwwesome pediatrician for my son, which is going to work hand-in-hand with my pediatric neurologist. And today (as I'm writing this) my husband is at BBiesRus buying the travel system (carseat & stroller combo) that I ended up finding online. We have our bags packed, baby's clothes blankets and bedding washed, all that we're missing now is... the baby!

I have one more Ob appointment, Sept 4th will be my pre-op appointment and hopefully by then I'll have put together a birth plan. I know, I know, bad me. I haven't done that yet... So if anyone has any suggestions for a c-section birth plan PLEASE send them my way.

Ultrasound

Today we're 33 wks 5 days. I tell ya, time is really starting to fly by...

I had an appt this morning with my Maternal Fetal Med. Dr. and it went well. During the ultrasound this little boy was soooo active. His heartbeat was 161 bpm, and he is now weighing a nice 4 lbs 13 oz. Just little 3 ounces shy of FIVE pounds! I really didn't expect him to be so big, I was thinking/hoping he'd be a little over 4 but had no idea he'd be pushing 5. That was definitely a pleasant surprise. My MFMD said that if my Ob schedules our c-section at 36wks, than this was my last ultrasound. If she schedules it to be done at 37wks then we'll have one more ultrasound.

So tomorrow I have an appointment with my Ob, and we're gonna set our date. I'm so, sooo excited. Its taken me quite some time, but now that we're rearing the end of this pregnancy I'm finally excited, and anxious to have our baby. I mean, we've wanted a baby for so long, but with our last 3 years of trying, dealing with IF and experiencing 3 losses it took us a long time to accept that a live baby could actually be born at the end of this pregnancy. We were taking this pregnancy day by day, and just accepting that with our past we were scared into being cautious about opening our heart. I finally feel that my heart is completely opened to him and we have fallen in love with him and I have to say it feels so good. For us to finally be able to love opened heartedly with no caution behind it... It really does feel so good.

I just pray to God that the love and faith that we have in Him will continue to carry us through to the end of this journey, so we can start the next.

33wks.

Thirty three weeks, can you believe it?! Just 3 weeks to go!
(Give and take a few days, since we haven't set a date yet.)

This week has been a good week. I've been getting up a little more, rotating from the bed to the couch, then to the recliner. Its been nice. My back and hips are feeling a lot less achey which makes me one happy, waddling-around, big bellied gal.

I've had quite of bit of company these days. My grandma came over to visit because she told my mom she wanted to see me pregnant. My mom told her that I don't got much longer that I will be pregnant, so my mom brought her over and they spent the day with me. My little ol' grandma is so sweet, my mom brought us lunch and when we were done she picked up my plate and started washing dishes, wiping down counters and cleaning my (already clean) kitchen. I begged her to stop, but she insisted. She said she didn't want Richard to have to do anything when he got home from work, except but tend to me.

Then one of my aunts got word that my grandma came to visit me because I'm in my last weeks of this pregnancy, then SHE wanted to come see me too. So yesterday I had her over for lunch. It was nice. I got to give my MIL a break from me & my house and I got to visit with someone else.

Baby update: He's growing, getting heavier and making it quite challenging to get to sleep at night. He seems to be confused as to when its night & day. Right around midnight, whether I'm asleep or awake, he gets a burst of energy. If I'm asleep he wakes me up with his karate kicks, and tumbling. I sometimes snuggle up close and put my belly close to Richard's back while he's asleep to see if his movements are strong enough to wake him up, and they are! Like this morning. The alarm went off at 5:00am, Richard hit snooze, but from 5 till 6 I couldn't go back to sleep because this little guy got the hiccups. And there is no way I could get back to sleep with my belly jumping every few seconds. I just lay there quietly rubbing and rubbing my belly hoping to somehow soothe him so they'd stop. Eventually they did because I dozed off and when I woke up the hiccups were gone.

Nursery news: Richard has been working on the baby's room. We've put it off for long enough, and now that we're just 3 weeks away he's now starting to get it together. (We put off doing the nursery because we were scared and didn't know if this pregnancy was going to work out or not. Guess that's just how a pregnancy after losses goes.) But now that we are getting down to the wire, we're having to work double time to try & finish. We had painted the room before we were pregnant, but we didn't finish the trim. So while he was working on it I snapped a quick picture of Richard after he had pulled up the carpet and was working on the baseboards. But lemme tell you, I got in SO MUCH trouble for getting up, walking over there, and not wearing a breathing mask in that room, just to take this one quick picture. Don't tell Richard I said this but, it was worth it! He finished painting the room and the carpet is gonna be installed this weekend. So right now its not much of a nursery, and probably won't be till after I'm able to go pick out the "perfect" crib & accessories.

32wks

Another week down, and 4 more to go.

Yesterday I had an Ob appt and it went well. Baby's heartbeat was 146 bpm, and my fundal height is maybe two inches below my bust. The nurse was like, "Girlfriend, how are you breathing?!" I answer, "I bearly am." I guess since I'm short (5'2") and I gotta short torso my breathing feels compromised with the pressure and weight of this little guy pressing on my lungs. And laying down isn't helping my breathing or digestion, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Funny but at this rate, if he continues growing like this he's gonna be up under my boo.bies soon! And I'd be the first woman ever to sport a Boobelly! LOL
I digress, back to the appt. My Ob said that since we're getting really close to the end it would be ok for me to ease up in the strict bed rest. I still can't go shopping, but it would be ok if I was to walk around a little in the house, and sit up a little more. She said that should help with my back & hip aches, help my breathing and lessen indigestion. My husband wasn't with me, and since he's the strictest one on me, I was tempted to ask for that in writing! But he understood, and last night I got the privilege of sitting in the recliner for an hour. Ohhh the simple joys I get from sitting down. I'm sure those that have "served time" on bed rest, understand. It was great. So at my next Ob appt (Aug 21st) we're gonna set a date for the c-section. OMG I so can't wait! I've been looking at the month of September, weighing my options as to when would be the perfect birth date. So here's what I got so far:

Sept. 1 - Is our 6 yr Wedding Anniversary
Sept. 3 & 4 - Would be ok
Sept. 5 - Is exactly 36 wks.
Sept. 6 & 7 - Would be good
Sept. 8 - SIL's b-day
Sept 9 & 10 - Would also be good

But of course ANY of those days would be a good day to have a baby. But if I had a choice as to the ideal date I'd say the 7th or 9th simply because its a week after our anniversary, so birthday parties can be planned, as well as Anniversary weekend getaways (much further down the line, of course.) The 10th is ok too, I just don't want anything to close to the 11th because of the tra.degy of 9/11. Not for superstitious reasons, just don't want every birthday to be gloomy or saddened by anniversary of the world's loss of that day.

31st week - Baby's Name

As used to it as I should be by now, every week that passes is still so amazing to me. Today we're 31 weeks along and I am so thankful to God that He has blessed us with another week. This week also marked my 15th week on bedrest, which I must admit is now a little easier with the thought in mind that we just have 5 more weeks to go.

Baby update: He's now weighing 3 lbs 9 ounces, and is still head down face down. His movements in utero have changed so much these last two weeks. For the most part he is pretty calm, and his movements were gentle. But these last two weeks he's kicked it up a notch and is showing me that he is getting to be pretty strong. Yesterday my SIL & niece came over to visit and he happened to have the hiccups and they lasted probably a good 15 minutes. My niece sat next to me in bed and had her hand on my belly to feel him hiccup for a while. She thought I could help him get rid of the hiccups by drinking water or by holding my breath but I had to tell her that wouldn't help, they'd go away on their own in time.
As far as our son's name, we have named him but have chosen to keep it somewhat of a surprise. So to all yall in blogland, hang in there just 5 more weeks until its revealed. However, I will say that we have chosen to honor our angel son Erik Michael and have chosen to give this baby the same middle name, Michael. And with St. Michael being the Patron Saint of protection, we saw it to fit him well since we know he is being watched over by angels.
But that's the only clue yall get for his name. :)

Long update-MRI results

Its been a while since I've posted (I'm sorry) but its for several reasons. First, because my router for my laptop crapped-out on us and we just got it fixed last night. And secondly, its been an emotional week for me and my husband and we needed some time to sort through some things. Let me explain.

I went to TX Children's Hospital for the results and didn't exactly get good news. The MRI & ultrasound concluded that my baby has Schizencephaly (pronounced Skiz-en-sef-all-ee). The pediatric neurologist showed me all the digital images of my son and he pointed out a spot where our son has a small "dip" on the outter side of the left ventrical in his brain. This brain anomaly can not be repaired with surgery, its a malformation in the tissues of the brain. The dr. said that our baby can and will live, but there is a great possibility that he may suffer from paralysis on one or both sides of his body, have a decreased muscle tone, and/or have a seizure disorder. Oddly enough, of these three things the seizure disorder is the only one that doesn't scare me. Because I, myself, suffered from Epilepsy for 10 years. This December will be 13 years that I have been seizure-free and med-free. So if my son is going to have similar issues with seizures I know I can help him and we will be able to get through it together. The pediatric neurologist that gave me these results is partners with MY old pediatric neurologist that still practices in the same hospital. So he said that seeing that I was successfully treated, and my seizures were controlled with meds, there is a good chance that our son's will be too. I asked if my past with Epilepsy had an influence on this pregnancy, and he said "As easy as it may seem to connect the two, no. And there's no real way to know if he'll have seizures (or any of the other neurological issues) until he's born, and he begins to reach mile stones." So basically, we'll just have to wait and see. (Which seems to be the theme to this pregnancy...)
During the appt the dr. told me that he is currently caring for a patient (15 month old little girl) that was diagnosed in-utero with the same kind of schizencephaly (unilateral cleft) on the same side of the brain as my son. And she is walking, talking, shows no sign of having seizures, and she is fully funtioning as a "normal" 15 month old little girl should. She does have a slight turn-in on her right foot when she walks, but its nothing that needs surgery or corrective braces for. It just may be that since she just learned to walk, she may be a little lazy on keeping her feet perfectly straight and she'll more than likely straighten it up on her own. But even if she doesn't, its not very noticeable and it doesn't inhibit her from doing anything. Hearing this positive outcome about the little girl does give me some hope that my son just may beat the odds too. I just pray that this is the last scare for this pregnancy. I can't tell you all how much I just want my son to be here and be ok. We pray every night out loud so God and my son can hear us and know that all we really want is the best for him. We are just going to have to do our best to give him the best life we can, like any other parent would.

I don't doubt that God knows what He's doing, I just wish He didn't have to test us so often.

Since the results appt. I've had an Ob/gyn appt that went ok. I did have protein in my urine and I also had an elevated blood pressure. (Beginning signs of pre-eclampsia) And today I had an appt with my Maternal Fetal Med. Dr. for an ultrasound and my urine tested clear but my blood pressure went a little higher. Which she's associating with my nervousness about the schizencephaly diagnoses. The ultrasound went well. My SIL & 12 yr old niece went in with me. The sonographer was really sweet, she took her time measuring everything, and explaining what it was that we were looking at so my niece really enjoyed the experience. She said she didn't expect to see much and she ended up getting a nice little lesson in anatomy. But anyways... The ultrasound went ok, he is still head down face down so I didn't get but only one picture, and it happens to be of his boy-parts which he's not shy about showing. And we got some video added to our new VHS tape. Ya know, I now have a full 6 hour video of all the past ultrasounds (including 2 attemps of a 3d u/s.) And this visit we started a new 6 hr tape...

Speaking of 3d ultrasounds. I went back for our 2nd attempt for the 3d u/s and he was head down, face down. She did video some of it, but we were unsuccessful in getting him to flip over to face us. We tried everything from sitting with my knees up squishing my lower tummy, to pressing on his legs & feet to make him mad and it didn't work. We didn't get a single picture that time, so the nice girl gave us the VHS video and didn't charge us. She said she couldn't charge us because we tried twice, and in the price we were suppose to get clear pictures, and a 20-30 minute VHS and DVD. And all we got were the 3 good pics (previously posted) and VHS tape. So today I took her a gift card as a little thank you, because she sacrificed a few early hours on a Saturday morning and she stayed late one Friday. Whether she was on the clock or not, I don't know, but either way we were still thankful that she didn't charge us the full price for the 2 attempts.

My next Ob appt is Aug 6th, and my next MFMD appt for an u/s is Aug 20th. And I should have 2 more ultrasounds before our scheduled c-section.

MRI & ultrasound 4/19

Yesterday I had my appointment at Tx Children’s Hospital for an ultrasound & fetal MRI. The ultrasound was first. Before we started the u/s tech asked what all is going on with this pregnancy that we already know of. I told her I have a cerclage (stitches placed in wk 10) in my cervix, I’ve had 2 episodes of unexplained bleeding (in wk 15 & 16), strict bed rest for 13 weeks (w/7 more to go), I have 3 fibroids in my uterus, we know that there is velamentous insertion of the cord, and we just found out there is a mild case of ventriculomegaly. She stopped, glared over at me with this smirk and said sarcastically, “So you’ve had an EASY pregnancy, haven’t you?!” I was like yeah, REAL easy. My SIL went in with me, and got to see her nephew-to-be. Of course he had to be in a position where we couldn’t get the measurements that we needed, so she just moved on to measure other parts of him. He was head down, way down in my pelvis, facing towards my back. After about an hour into the ultrasound she was done looking at everything else. So in order to finish the scan she had to measure his head, but the only way to get that measurement was to stand up, and press the u/s probe deep into my pelvis. It hurt so bad. I told her it hurt and she apologized and continued to dig the probe deeper, as if she needed to get under my pubic bone. I could feel the tears wallowing up in the corners of my eyes, it hurt so bad. I took the pain as long as I could and she finally stopped not a minute to soon. She stepped out and got the Dr. to review the pics she took. He then proceeded to rescan and thank God, he was so SO very gentle. And my baby must have appreciated his kindness because he moved a little to face us and we were able to finish the scan.

Once that was done it was time for the MRI. It took about 45 minutes, and it was very uncomfortable. The tones & beeps were so loud it vibrated my insides and it stirred him up inside. The nurse doing the scan kept chiming in telling me to try to stay extra still, and I was, but my baby was moving around so much my belly was moving. It was so hard to stay still for that long, but we made it. I got dressed and the Dr. came in and said if he didn’t call me tomorrow he’d see me Tuesday to review the results. (My appt to get the results had to be rescheduled to Tues. 7:30am) He also told me that he didn’t have exact measurements yet from the u/s or the MRI, but that just looking at the images with the naked eye, but trained eye, he didn’t see an amount of fluid that looked extreme. He said, “IF there is ventriculomegaly, it is defiantly a mild case.” So that made me feel somewhat better, we’ll just have to wait and see what’s to come on Tuesday. Hopefully only good news.

p.s. Today at 4:30 we're going back to my MFMD's office for another try at a 3D u/s.

3D ultrasound

Saturday morning we did our normal morning dr. appointment ritual. We stopped by the donut shop for donuts & chocolate milk, since that's what seems to get our little one bouncing around (which makes for a fun ultrasound.) Then once we were at my Dr.'s office and started the ultrasound she noticed 2 things, 1. He was facing my spine, so all we could see was the back of his head & spine. And 2. He was asleep! That little stinker. All that sugar, and he was still asleep. So she pushed on my belly to give him a little tap on his feet to try to stir him, and he kicked back but was not showing any signs of being ready to wake up. He had his hands behind his head and looked so relaxed. Finally after about an hour he turned a little to where we could see his face, and she was able to get a few pics, but not very clear ones. So, she didn't charge us and she is going to call me sometime this week to reschedule another 3D ultrasound for Friday or Saturday so fingers crossed that he'll be awake and will cooperate. So here they are. They're not as clear as what they could be. Hopefully next week I'll have some better ones.


Here he's a little covered, but you can still see some of his face.
Looks like he's doing the "Elvis lip!"


Little sleepy head.



Oh those cute little cheekies



He gave us a little smile, I love this one!

3rd trimester: Nesting vs. Anxiety

I don't know which one it is... And its very possible it may be both. But I'm getting really anxious. Yes anxious-excited, but more of me is starting to feel anxious-nervous anxiety.

Monday will be my 13th week on bedrest, and the plan is to be here another 8 more weeks. So I haven't gotten a chance to see any baby items in the stores. Before I was pregnant I was anti-baby aisle in the stores, and when it came time to buying for my sister's or friends' baby showers I went straight for gift cards, or I'd shop the end caps. Anything to keep me away from the dreaded baby aisles. But now that it's me that is possibly having a baby (in less than 2 months) I'm freakin out. I don't have anything, and worse I can't GET anything myself. I want so badly to go to BBiesRUs for a shopping spree, but I know that's outta the question. I lay here in bed thinking all day about the the things we need before our little guy makes his big appearance and its overwhelming. Beside 2 packages of diapers and the little clothing my sis gave me (pics shown in a previous blog entry) that's all I have. That's It! I was so anxious Wednesday night I found myself still awake at 1:30am just thinking of the necessities we gotta get. So the next morning I told Richard to please go out and get us a... I think its called a "pack-n-play." It serves as a co-sleeper next to my bed, then it has a changing table attachment, and once the baby is a little bigger it can be a playpen. I just need somewhere safe to lay this baby down once he's home. And Oh, we also need a carseat, and hooded towels & wash cloths, baby shampoo! Oh gosh, I can go on & on... I'm tellin ya, I'm really getting nervous here. My mom is throwing our baby shower after our baby is here, and I was fine with that because I don't want to be laying down at my shower. But now that time is dwendling down, its putting pressure on me and I'm putting that pressure on my husband to get everything ready. He's working on the weekends on the baby's room, but I can't help him and I want to so bad... UGH, I didn't know it was gonna be so crazy. The baby isn't even here yet and I'm already losing sleeptime over this. My sister says I'm nesting. But is it still considered nesting when I'm physically laying here not allowed to get up and clean, shop and/or prepare my house for this baby? What do you think?